A
male
age
41-50,
*ukey09
writes:OK here goesMe n my girlfriend unexpentedly split four weeks ago, she just started crying and said she could not go on like this and left before i had time to even let it sink in. She moved all her stuff out the next day while i was at work and when i came home it looked like id been robbed, this was really horrible as we had a 9 month puppy and he was sat in the middle of the room looking scared and confused. Ive seen her since and she tells me to give her space but at the same time we have been going out every friday for the past two weeks for dinner to country hotels and always end up between the sheets and when i say i love her she replys the same.She says that she cant come back to our home that was as it is full of bad memories but when i suggest somewhere else she clams up.The weird thing is she has said that she was unhappy for six months but even the week before it happend she was looking in jewelry shops poining out engagement rings and saying that id better get saving.what the hell is she thinking, i havnt got a clue really, shes got some old friends back on the scene who are out on the pull most nights and its really doing my head in.What should i do next
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (17 November 2010):
 "She says that she cant come back to our home that was as it is full of bad memories but when i suggest somewhere else she clams up."
Really? You suggest somewhere else when she openly admits your home is full of bad memories for her? Listen, when she tells you things like that you need to TALK to her about it! Not brush her problems aside like they are mere annoyances and offer to go somewhere else! She needs to talk! You need to listen! And ask her about it when she brings up things like that. That's what she's hoping you will do.
Im fairly confident that when a woman tells you "I don't want to meet at our old home because it is full of bad memories" THIS is what she means in boy language:
"The house is a reminder of things that happened that I really wish you would take the time to care about, and that I can't stop thinking about, and all you need to do is ask me about it, show that you care, show that you want to listen, and then I can talk to you about the problems that I have so you can understand it all. I do love you, but there are huge issues that need to be addressed, and you need to take your part of the responsibility and you need to put in the effort and talk to me about this."
You can't always spell it out, sometimes a man needs to ask and take the hints, or else he sends of a message of not caring two cents. When you tell her to meet somewhere else, THIS is what you say in a womans ears: "I don't care at all about your little issues, I just want things my way, and if we can't go to our home then I am happy to go somewhere else with you as long as I get my needs met" aka having sex with her.
Im sure you don't mean the things I wrote in my little translation, and I could be wrong too, but if she really clams up after you say that, then she is surely thinking something up the lines of what I translated.
If you don't know what is going on with her, the only thing you have to do is ask. Communicate. Talk about it, and listen, don't argue. Just listen at first. Then think about it. Then decide what you want to do.
A
female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (17 November 2010):
 You honestly don't know the nature of the break up? I would be racking my brain for answers. It's possible it's a personal problem, however it sounds like your relationship has been pretty rocky because of her bad memories comment. There should be more to this story. All you can do is give her space, maybe she'll come around I don't know..however, if it's a personal problem then it's going to take forever. I suggest making sure she has all of her stuff and move on.
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A
female
reader, Lothorien10 +, writes (17 November 2010):
 Hmmm, not really sure what advice i can give you. It's a hard situation to read and the both of you certainly seem confused. I suppose the only thing i can say is that the two of you need to sit down and talk things through. Try and abstain from the sex!! (however hard that may be) If the two of you can mutually settle your differences and live a long and happy life together then thats great but unfortunately, life ultimately isnt as easy. Be optimistic but realistic.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2010): I would guess it's one of three things.1) Her friends are a destructive force, filling her head with bad ideas. This would explain why this popped up seemingly out of no where since you mentioned she recently reconnected with old friends.2) She's tired of being single. She tried hinting to get a ring and it didn't work, so now she's trying to scare you into thinking she's leaving.3) You geniunely had problems that you didn't realize. Think about it. Were there any warning signs?If I were you, I'd calmly tell her that you understand her need for space, but you'd like to proceed with the relationship. Ask her for a time, say maybe two weeks, that you can contact her to see how she's doing. Then leave her alone during that time. If she's not willing to talk or give you reasons for her unhappiness at that time, tell her to contact you when she's ready.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2010): I feel very sorry for you. I dont think she is a person worth waiting for if you realy do not feel anything. I believe its sad that your ending between the sheets every friday, because its making you fall deeper in love with something which may not be there when you want her. Maybe its time to move on, clean a new slate by the sounds of it shes abit headstrong? I think she has you wrapped around her finger ready to tug and pull you in, and forget you the next day, my advice is move on and forget her and everything she has perfetic stantards about bad memories in the house&things, pack up your bags, dont ever leave the puppy and move on;)
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