A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am in a great loving relationship (5 years). I recently (a year ago) quit a well paying job as a stripper. I do artistic nude modeling to help make ends meet as my "respectable" job doesn't pay too well. One of my photographers recently has asked me to do more adult work for a private portfolio. I don't think my partner would approve. It also would pay a good chunk of grad school over time (which I have held off on going for financial reasons). Is this cheating?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2010): If your BF would be upset about it then it is probably cheating.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2010): I would tell your boyfriend about the offer and see if there is another way that you can both find. Is it cheating ...secrets... withholding a part of yourself from your lover sopose it depends on how much you want to give or hide. I thought love had nothing to hide.
spunky monkey
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A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (9 September 2010):
 Well, doing it without your boyfriend knowing would potentially be cheating in his eyes. I know it's good money, but you have to understand that guys don't like their girl being exploited in any way. And even if you are okay with stripping, or having photos taken in certain ways... it's still a form of exploitation. Women just usually justify it because they can make a serious amount of money.
Yes, it could take away your debt... but at what expense? It may seem cliche, but there are some things that money can't buy, and one of them is love. Talk to your partner first, and foremost... but don't be mad or upset at him if he doesn't want you to do it.
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A
female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (9 September 2010):
 Talk to your partner.
Even if he IS ok with it, which I doubt, this would only work if you sign a legal contract that makes the photographer liable if the pictures ever make it to the public domain, quantifying damages. Since the lawyer will cost a fair package, this probably won't be worth it. If it's REALLY going to be a 'personal portfolio' (who's, by the way?), it's still something you can think about, but if there's any chance of those picutres making it to the WWW, well...
It's been over five years since I was last in front of a non-personal camera in a sexual situation and I still get recognized occassionally. It's not the sort of thing you can get away from, so do keep that in mind.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (8 September 2010):
I'll start this with a story I know of about a woman who lives in my town.
She needed £300 ($500 or so). So a photographer said he'd pay her to do an explicit shoot for a private portfolio. She did it. Except he posted the pics on the net. Her boyfriend then found out and promptly dumped her.
He's asking you to do work for a private portfolio. That's risky. What happens if he posts the pics? And, let's be honest, you think your partner wouldn't approve. So, first of all what would you be doing in this 'shoot'? Is he asking you do to things to yourself? If so, and your partner doesn't know, then really it's cheating.
I think if you want to do this, the only way you can do this so it's honest is to discuss it with your boyfriend. If he's not happy, you have to work out whether you respect his wishes, or whether the money is more important.
But remember what I say If it gets out, and you've lied, your relationship will fall apart.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (8 September 2010):
 I'd discuss it with your boyfriend. If it feels like cheating, it probably is. Just because it pays doesn't mean it's right for you.
Be careful, because this is a tactic used to lure girls into full blown porn.
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