A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi,About 7 weeks, my boyfriend ended our 2-3 month relationship due to the fact I was abroad when we got together and there would still be another year and half of us being apart. He felt like he was waiting for us to truly be together because we didn't have any history to cling on to and the whole thing was making him depressed. I don't think it was an easy decision for him to make, he kept saying things like "I really like you and I don't want to end it but I can't continue it".. "I don't want to see you with anyone else".. etc. We have only spoken twice via text since it happened. On one of those texts I explained I was asking to transfer university so I can move back home because of personal health reasons. He didn't really know what to say and said he was still struggling with the decision. 5 weeks later I am now transferring university for definite and will now be at home permanently from April. I feel like I need to tell him, he was, after all, the last straw that made me commit to transferring, and now my whole future has changed. He needs to know that at least. There's hope in my mind that it might mean we could get back together, but I do not want him to think I have done all of this because of him.My friends say I shouldn't tell him, he gave up on me and so I should move on.Yes he gave up on me, but he should know what has changed. I think it would be really unfair if he never knew, and we bumped into each other months down the line for him to only find out then that there could've actually been a chance. This is all obviously based on the idea that his reasons were true. Which I honestly believe they were. I do need to tell him, I just don't know how to start the conversation.How would you suggest I approach the conversation, without making myself look desperate? How do I move forward if I don't get the answer I was hoping for?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (6 February 2017):
 Hmm I have a gut feeling that this transfer was not health issues but rather it was so that you could continue your relationship. I think it is okay to tell him you have moved back, but don't expect anything from him. You guys where only together 7 weeks, which is nothing really. It might actually scare him that you moved back and make him feel that you did it because he broke up with you. So you need to be prepared for the fact that it may not work out between you both. But I do think he deserves to know you are back.
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (4 February 2017):
 Ooh, tricky one. How did you two meet when you were away? Have you actually met? I suspect your reason for moving back was much more aimed at getting back to him than you admit. You mention health reasons but, despite those, you did not make the decision until he finished with you. It is disappointing that he did not react more positively to the news that you were applying to move universities. I suspect he did not want to be your reason for moving as that would put a heavy burden on him to keep dating you. He would feel responsible for your move. In your shoes, I would drop him a message to say you are back and saying something casual like "drop me a line if you want to chat". That leaves the decision to him and doesn't come across as too needy. In the meantime, widen your social circle. You are at a new university. Get involved in the social life. Get involved in activities which interest you. Meet people who have similar interests. At the very least you should make new friends. You could even meet someone who will become more than a friend.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2017): I think you are absolutely right, you should definitely tell him you are transferring back. The reality is, this is over a month later so he may be dating someone else by now, but it is worth a shot. I think your friends are being very unfair in saying he "gave up"...what was he supposed to do? Wait a year and a half to have any kind of physical or emotional contact with you? That is extreme. I think most typical people would not even do that for someone they were truly in love with. I would not want to get involved with someone who was away for that long. Too many doubts would creep in about what the other person was doing (that's just one of the MANY problems with long distance). It would be almost impossible to build a genuine relationship from scratch being so very far away (as you didn't even know each other before!). What he did was honorable. He told you he really liked you, but did not see how long distance could work for that long. I would say definitely try to get in contact again! Don't listen to your friends!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (4 February 2017):
 I agree with your friend.
He didn't ask you to transfer back or make any promises that IF you moved he would want to date you again.
He made the choice that an LDR was NOT what he wanted. OR rather an LDR with YOU (someone he BARELY knew).
You said you wanted to transfer due to health and then you say HE was the last straw that made you go for the transfer, so which is it?
I think it's kind of unfair to make HIM responsible for YOUR choice to transfer and the changes to YOUR future, after all, HE is not part of your life and hasn't been for almost as long as you dated.
If you run into him, fine but I would NOT put all my eggs in one basket and think transferring home means HE wants to restart anything.
You already HAVE your answer, he isn't looking to date you, regardless of where you live. Sorry.
IF he was, he would have JUMPED at the chance to see more of you IF you transferred by he was rather vague in his "struggle" when you told him. And you have BARELY spoken since.
Sorry, kiddo I just don't think he is as into you as you are into him. (or rather as you are into the IDEA of him).
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