A
female
age
30-35,
*awn
writes:This is a little long.Okay, so I have a rule I go by when it comes to dating. I won't date someone unless I've known them for a long time, I honestly care for them, and I feel it will go somewhere. My first boyfriend, I dated for 3 years. He was caring, sweet, was a gentlemen, we had a ton in common, and we accepted each other. I became very attached to his family, especially his mom. It could've turned out perfect, but he had some racial issues. Long story short, he disrespected my whole family, me, and trashed on my ambitions in life. I dumped him. I honestly loved him, but the issue is that now, 2 or 3 years after we broke up, he still loves me. He's stuck on me. Even after we broke up, we remained best friends. I'm not the kind to stay bitter. Forgive but never forget, I guess. I have absolutely no interest whatsoever in dating him ever again. I still talk to him, but not very often. Maybe once or twice every week or two. He also moved out of state, I haven't seen him in years. We played games online together to pass time. I met another guy that also plays with us. They were cool with each other, everything was fine. Until I started dating this new guy.I've known him for a few years, and we're like peanut butter and jelly. I'm honestly in love with him, but now these two have problems. My ex is really jealous because he still loves me, and my boyfriend hates my ex because of what he did that caused the break up. My boyfriend lives 600+ miles away, and my ex lives a little further, maybe 700-800 miles. I want to be able to visit my ex's family, as I'm still attached to them, and my ex is somewhat starting to respect that I'm with my boyfriend and is backing off. I have conflict between visiting each of their families, as well as my own, because I'm joining the military. Is it not a good idea to try to visit my ex's family? It's mainly because I've known his mom since I've been ten, I want to see them again. I'm stuck in a vicious circle.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (26 April 2013):
 so a man who has racial issues, who disrespected your family and who trashed your ambition in life is still one of your best friends?
personally you can be friends with his family if you can't detach from them but I see no need to remain friends with someone who can't respect you, your family, your race or your hopes and dreams.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2013): OP it's a tough one. Would you really be okay with your boyfriend going to stay over with an ex who still loves him so very dearly and would do anything to have him back?
I mean he's only going to see that ex's mom, but his ex is going to be using that as a chance to get what she's wanted for years. Maybe they'll have some drinks some evening and things may get heated. His ex will certainly try their hardest, his ex won't respect that you're with him, maybe his ex might crawl into the bed he's staying in one night and it'll take him a few minutes to snap out of it and realize it shouldn't be happening.
Is that something you'd be comfortable with? Is that a situation you'd be happy with him putting himself in just to see a person's family who he can just skype or call on the phone instead?
It's a bit much really OP isn't it? You'd be very uncomfortable with your boyfriend putting himself in that situation wouldn't you? Yeah, best to just call or skype the OP. It's be nice to see them but the circumstances are too horrible aren't they?
Your ex will try shit, he will get teary eyed and beg for forgiveness, you will have a few beers some night, he will try it on, he may well try and crawl into bed with you, he will be on his best behaviour trying to impress you, he will be sweet talking you, he will see this as his big chance and he will make a very big effort to get you.
I wouldn't OP, and I'd seriously consider setting your ex free. That's a hell of a long time to not get over someone isn't it? He's stuck in a prison of not being able to get over you.
A real friend would free him from that prison OP because he's not your friend, he's a guy that won't let go and his end game is to win you back. It's up to you to help him move on by ending this "friendship" and I think you know it has come to that. He has never wanted friendship OP, he's only settling for it at the moment in the hopes that he can win you back and let me guess, he's the one who keeps telling you that his family miss you and would love to see you. I'm right aren't I? Well guess why he says those things? Yeah, you know why.
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