A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my girlfriend for about a month now. She's 18 and I'm 23. She's a nice girl, fun to be around, good sense of humour... but as yet, nothing is really drawing me in to her and I don't know why.I am the first boyfriend she has ever had, whereas I have had a few serious relationships already. And while she is better than some of my ex's in different ways, overall I just don't feel like we're clicking. This fact is really distressing me, because I don't understand what's causing it. I don't know if I'm not attracted to her physically (she is a little bigger than I'd like her to be, terrible as that makes me sound, but she has made an effort to lose weight since we started going out and this was entirely her choice), or whether I feel pressured because I know that this is her first relationship and I know for a fact that she is really into me (I'm her first boyfriend after all, that was always going to make her a bit clingy) , or whether it's because our sex isn't so great (she's only been having sex for a few weeks, she's a beginner so it's understandable. We were all beginner's once, myself included!)... I just don't know and it's really frustrating me.There are times where I feel like I want this to end, but there are other times where I feel like she is so right for me that I'd be crazy to let her go. But how long do I wait? In my past relationships, I have always known when someone was right for me or not. In this case, I'm all over the place. I enjoy our time together so much, but deep down there is something that keeps digging at me and I don't know what it is or how to stop it. I would have thought that after being with her for a month I'd feel more connected to her than I do. I really want to! Why aren't I??Can anyone help me?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (18 November 2011):
 I agree that a month is not a long time to know if you are right or not...
What I would do to help yourself figure it out...
make lists
get a sheet of paper and draw a line down the middle
make a PRO list on one side all the things that are good or make you happy about being with her... don't struggle to find them just list the pros off the top of your head.
then make a CON list on the other side of the paper... all the things that are WRONG or leave you wondering if it's good or not.. again don't struggle... just go off the top of your head.
Then look at the two lists side by side and go from there in figuriing out what you want to do....
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