A
female
age
36-40,
*oops
writes:My boyfriend recently split up with me mid-december, claiming that he could not handle our relationship and was jealous of my friendships with other men. He stayed in touch with me over the course of the last few weeks and only a week after splitting up with me rang me to apologise for his behaviour and jealousy and the friendship he broke as a result of his outburst.I let it be, not wanting to take too much from it, but on Sunday dropped a Christmas present for him through the door, he opened the door as I turned to leave and asked me in, I stayed for a few hours, in which time we went through from speaking to each other like friends, to him asking me to hug him, at which point he didnt let go, and we ended up sleeping together. Following this he invited me round on boxing day, which I was a little wary of, again he was all over me, but I prevented anything happening by suggesting we did something productive and clear out one of the rooms he was about to decorate, this took a fair few hours and as the night went on he became closer and closer to me, telling me towards the end of the night I was his guardian angel and that I'd always gotten him out of trouble ( when I first met him he was in a state over his ex(mother of his child) and I was there for him for a lot of it) and that one of these days he was going to "repay" me by making me his wife, which i found a very odd thing to say considering we officially still are not together.He has since invited me to come with him to his family's do tonight, and I'm getting more and more lost as to whats going on. One minute he didnt want me anymore, the next hes acting like we are a full on couple. I dont understand. The only thing I can put it down to is that it wasnt jealousy at all it was more of a commitment crisis ( his ex treated him badly and walked out on him when they had bought a house and just had a baby) and that hes suddenly realised im not about to do the same, but Im not sure.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2007): It sounds to me like your boyfriend just had a freak out about how attached he was to you and his jealousy was telling him that he may be in over his head. Men cannot sustain the romantic intensity of a relationship the way a woman can, it is difficult for him to listen and talk on a deep level as often as we females can, and men often become emotionally flooded. When this happens, he has to retreat, pull back and be alone to sort through all of his overwhelming feelings and often he will spring back with greater intimacy than he had before he pulled away. The fact that you did not chase after him when he broke it off with you, helped him to come back to you.
It sounds to me that he is appreciative of what you have given him, what you bring to the table in this relationship, and the fact that he is bringing you around his family matches the seriousness of his talk about making you his wife. I think he is trying to encourage you to stick around with him and see what develops.
We can't always know the end of the story when we are smack dab in the middle of it. If you have some concerns our fears then try to adress those with him in a nonjudgemental way. Hear him out, sit with your feelings for a day or two and then decide where you want this relationship to go.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2007): Stop seeing him, stop sleeping with him and leave him alone. He sounds complicated. Any man who 'picks' a woman up and then 'drops' her leaving her wondering, confused and lost, is a man who doesn't deserve her. Tell him you don't need 'repayment'..that was a real dumb thing for him to say. Like you should be grateful that he is paying attention to you. This is not a healthy situation for you. Your feelings of 'getting lost and confused' are good indicators, that you need to stop seeing him. A ture love is a sure thing, you would never feel this way. You would know exactly where you stand. Your confusion stems from just your feelings and 'not' using rational thinking. Stop doing that. That's allowing yourself to get needy when you have to use clarity and be strong. Confused feelings weaken a woman's resolve, especially when she has a right to ask a guy "what the hell is going on?" Either he gives you some clear, mature answers or you walk. So to be sure about what he's doing here I suggest you scrutinize all his 'actions' here. Because right now, that's all you can do, because he's not telling you himself what is going on, is he?
Here it is in a nutshell. Men are much like us gals..they enjoy being happy. And if that means calling a woman they like/love/adore a lot, just to hear her voice. Nothing will pull a man away from calling her...absolutely nothing. Even a man in the throes of life problems, emotional angst and a truckload of baggage to deal with, will touch base with a woman he cares about. So no matter how much you like him, if he doesn't have time to really hash this out with you and end your confusion, then you have to admit to yourself, it's probable that he's got too much on his plate. My advice for now is: Do not call him...let him come to you. If he wants you, then he needs to be honest. If he won't do that, then go find a less 'complicated' man, who can give back to you, in the way you deserve. Remember, you deserve a man in your life, who willing is able and can forget about the other things in his life, before he forgets about you. Look after yourself, hun and be strong. Last word from me on this. You really don't need this, do you.. I suggest you move on and keep climbing, girl.
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A
female
reader, Mistify  +, writes (28 December 2007):
 I think you know exactly what is going on. It does sound like a fear of commitment, and a short break is very often JUST what is needed to make couples grow closer. The old saying: "You don't know what you've got till it's gone", is very true. Everybody deserves a second chance, so if this is what you want, then go with it. If you are really unsure of his intentions, why not just sit him down, and speak to him. Tell him you are a bit confused, but don't blame him. Just tell him how you feel. He is bound to come out with the truth.
Good luck.
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