A
female
age
36-40,
*mj85
writes:Hi I am so upset as i broke up with my boyfriend last night. I asked him a simple question, if he would stick by me if any unplanned pregnancies happened and at first he wouldnt give me a straight answer then he just simply said well i wouldnt abandon you. This was the fri before christmas then on the sun before xmas eve he came round to my house and we were both very distant. When he kissed me I didnt feel the spark and the loving feeling I felt before and later he agreed he didnt feel it either. Then sun night I text him and asked him were we ok and he said he wasnt really sure so i said i guess we can work through it but we both need to want to and the time apart over xmas may help and he said your right we'll see how it goes after xmas. Xmas morning came and we had agreed to ring and chat on christmas morning instead all I got was a text message saying happy christmas Im off out to my brothers. So it ate away at me thru xmas until I asked him no told him we needed to get together and talk because i didnt know where I stood or where we stood. During the conversation he confused me so much saying I dont want to break up with you but i dont know if i see you in my future and i wouldnt want to get married to you just because we had a kid by accident. But then he said please know you will always be special and i hope we remain close friends and i love you. Im sooo upset and dont know how to move forward, has anyone got any advice. I cant stop crying, I cried after the 'meeting' and cried myself to sleep that night (last night,thurs) then today ive been crying on and off at work - I feel stupid!!!! I was with him 4 months I know that doesnt sound long but I was madly in love with him and he was my first love. :-( thanks, em xxx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2007): It has only been a few days so it would still b fresh on ur mind. i have felt just the way u feel at the moment (same with me, 4 mths, first love also), jus know it is normal to feel this way so please don't feel stupid. You will feel down for a while but time is a good healer. As time goes on, it won't feel as bad. U might not think so, but u will feel better. B around family and friends, find out how they felt and dealt with a breakup. U could even try writing down how u feel in a notepad and as time goes on, u will find ur self not wanting to write in it anymore. From what u wrote, I could b wrong but I have a feeling that he might try to get in contact with u in the near future (especially wen u have fully healed) so b strong if this does happens. U will get thru this, hope this helps a little!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2007): He may be too young to think about parenthood and you have just raised it as an issue. Surely the real issue is not to get pregnant unless you both agree and this should be achievable. Do you think he may have thought you were planning to get pregnant by “accident” and testing him out? The way he suddenly became distant was a bit of a clue.
Asking whether he would stick by you in an unplanned pregnancy is a bit like saying would he stick by you if you had a terrible accident and you were paralysed. The chances of it happening are very low unless you put yourself in harms way. I had to wait until I was 36 before my husband would let me have a baby! He wanted to get married and be with me but he was not ready to a dad. Do you think you may be hormonal and a bit emotional?
Don’t let this upset you too badly, if you are meant to be together you will be.
If you want to rescue the situation you could say you were confused and what was really worrying you was the reliability of your contraception, which led you to worry what would happen if it failed. But let a little time pass before talking again perhaps? Then talk it through properly and get a coil fitted, have an injection, whatever you like so long as you can both be sure that you will not get pregnant without planning it first.
If this does not work he is too young to settle and you should not regret freeing yourself. Big loves come back later. I got divorced from my husband and met my first love again many years later. All the best and good luck.
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A
male
reader, Somethingeasy  +, writes (28 December 2007):
 Its a ruff one. But it wasnt meant to be. What type of man couldnt stand by his woman if he got her pregnant. There will be a grieving process that can vary how long it will take depending on how strong you are.
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A
female
reader, Mistify  +, writes (28 December 2007):
 Dear girl.
I'm so sorry for the way you are feeling at the moment.
You are totally normal to feel this strongly about someone after such a short time, and also very normal to cry about it.
There is really nothing anyone can say that could make you feel better at this point in time, but the road to heal is a long one.
Here are a few pointers:
- Cry all you want, for as long as you want, for whatever reason you want. You'll feel better afterwards
- Try to get out. Tell your girlfriends what happened, and that you really need to get out. Go do something fun, and out of the ordinary, like tenpin bowling, or visiting a museum. Go to the funfair or what ever, as long as it is different.
- Talk about it to your friends / family, or anyone who is close to you who wouldn't judge you, and tell you your feelings are silly. (Your feelings are real, and you have all the right in the world to feel the way you do)
And then - say to yourself, that this guy was obviously not 'THE ONE'. THE ONE, would see you in his future without a doubt.
And then- i'm gonna say something i'm sure you don't want to hear right now, but you have to hear it anyway, just be glad that you found out about his 'future' plans now, instead of only after two or three years.
I know it hurts sweety, and most of the aunts have also felt the hurt and anger after breaking up their first love, but you'll be okay.
Right now, you have to concentrate on feeling good, and to achieve this in any way you can.
Good luck - mail me if you wanna chat more.
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