A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So right now I feel like an utter mess and am not sure how to deal with it. Could use some advice. Here's the story:I have had the most amazing year with my first love (who I was close friends with for 6 months first as well) and I love so many things about him. I'm really fussy but his personality seemed perfect for me- he seemed to really understand me, we had the same sense of humour, and so much in common. But also enough differences to make interesting conversations etc. We had an insane amount of fun together and really loved one another. And I've never trusted anyone more. I even went away for 3 months travelling and neither of us even contemplated cheating on eachother or breaking up. It's now been 3 months since I returned and we've had a lovely summer together. We were both so so happy to be back together again when I came home. I've never been happier as I missed him so much whilst I was away and I know he missed me too.However, a few days ago he broke up with me. Our one year anniversary would have been today so I'm feeling horrible. Well actually he has been umming and ahing about his feelings and what we should do next year for a week so in the end I said that I didn't want to be with someone who wasn't sure they wanted to be with me and he agreed that his confusions were unfair on me so we left eachother. He wants to be friends and so do I but obviously not straight away. He asked for a hug goodbye. A few days before this final break up he had been kissing me and telling me that I was the most amazing girl he had ever met and that he doesn't understand why he is feeling so confused. It wasn't me forcing him to act coupley with me when he wasn't 100% happy with things. He was the one initiating all intimacy- lifting me up and spinning me around and laughing whilst kissing me. It was like a film. He said he was sorry for messing with my head and that of course he still cared for me. Even a few days ago (the day we officially broke up) he wasn't even going to talk about the issue and jsut man up and break up with me himself. He was still joking around with me etc, but no coupley actions. It was so weird. So I asked him what he was feeling and he said that he couldn't say anything because he still didn't know and wasn't sure he wanted to keep trying to make things work. He wasn't sure enough that he DIDN'T though which is probably why he wasn't just dumping me. So I ended it for him which is clearly what he wanted.I miss him so much already. I didn't want to break up with him AT ALL. I've never met anyone who remotely compares and am terrified I never will. Obviously I am hoping that once he realises that he has lost me, he will regret it and want me back. Not sure I would be able to take him back now though because I don't think I would ever be able to trust that his feelings for me were genuine. I would always feel insecure in a relationship with him. He has broken my heart and this has never happened to me before. I gave him everything I could and loved him with every cell in my body. He didn't even give me a reason as to why he was thinking about ending things. I feel so stupid and confused. It all happened so suddenly for me. One minute everything was great, the next I had lost the person I love most in the whole world.How do you get over that?!
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male
reader, softtouchmale2003  +, writes (13 September 2009):
 He's confused because he's torn between staying with you, and going out to the world and seeing what's there first.
The cure for this is give him some space. Or, alternatively, go with him wherever he chooses to go. But I would caution that though he may like you very much, and maybe love you, if you hem him in too much, the magic will go away.
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