A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:why does a woman, in essence, make herself a "porn star" for one man, and not another? I find this to be the case with my female fiends when they reveal that they suck and screw one partner they know won't be around in their future in every way imaginable, yet when the one that shows respect for them comes around, they are angels. in other words, one man's whore is another man's virgin. Why? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, cluelessgal  +, writes (15 November 2010):
It really depends on how strong the chemistry is between both parties. Some choose a relationship that gives them a sense of security, some choose financial stability, some choose a partner who listens , some choose a partner who would do anything for them.... very few will choose relationships based on sexual satisfaction..
When the chemistry is so strong both parties will be in their own world and think of nothing else except gives each other great pleasure. However, if a relationship is chosen for sense of security, then both parties need to work together to enhance their bedroom sessions.
Partners who are regularly enjoying sex with each other are unlikely to have an affair.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2010): "Cerebrus, but what about when a man wants what she did for other men, but she doesn't, or when she does it feels like a chore?"
You're not that guy and it's not that time anymore. She may be past all that now, gotten it out of her system. Or her libido could just have decreased for some reason.
The relationship she had with that guy was intense and most probably mainly a physical thing. While that's exciting for a while it gets old. Well that kind of intensity anyway. You know? been there, done that. Kind of thing.
Perhaps you could talk to her, or perhaps you could just try and introduce that kind of spark yourself. I mean me and my girlfriend went through that phase but we were lucky enough that when the raging hormones died down we were still crazy about each other in other ways. Plus due to her age she was still in her experimental phase, but that's gone now. We no longer jump on each other every chance we get we have a different relationship now but no less sexual just less intense. But that doesn't mean we don't liven it up every now and again and go wild.
What exactly is the issue though, is it frequency of these things or lack of variety or what? Because both can be changed if you both make the effort. But if she's settled and happy not going wild anymore then there's not a lot you can do but make what you do have better.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2010): Well most of my friends have really good sex lives with their boyfriends. So I am not sure how true this theory is. In fact, most girls I know are no different with their boyfriends than they had been when they were dating.
Not only that but most of the boys I know, want good sex lives with their girls. I don't think they want a prude "angelic" stiff in the bed as a girlfriend. They love a girl who goes buckwild. Relationships work especially well when the sex is good. That is VERY important in a relationship. Make each other feel wanted.
So you should tell your girl friends to try that same stuff with their lovers, instead. I don't think any man would be turned off.
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A
female
reader, Viv Acious  +, writes (11 November 2010):
I have to agree with 'thewalkin'dude' (again!)
Although there have been many changes in society with regards to women and sex, there is still a basic imbalance. Men are rewarded for their sexual behaviour. The more women they've had the more of a man they are. Although it is much, much better than it was, women are still haunted by the ghosts of the whore or the virgin (gotta luv those stereotypes, don't'cha?)Imagine if the two sexual male stereotypes were a rentboy and a priest. Imagine, boys, being punished and degraded for having sex.
Although times have changed, the whore and the virgin are still lurking over us and this still, unfortunately, creates a sense of woman as 'commodity' - the more previous lovers, the less desired by men as a g/f.
So, I would say, that if some women (not all) want a man to take her seriously, she will try and project a more chaste image. And, if she wants a no-strings attached shagathon with a big-cocked, horny stud - she will do it where no-one can see her do it and use the information against her.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2010): Cerebrus, but what about when a man wants what she did for other men, but she doesn't, or when she does it feels like a chore?
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2010): Maybe they act like "whores", your words not mine, with the guys they know aren't serious or in it for a relationship, because they don't have to prove anything to them and don't have to worry about if the guy thinks they're easy or what not because they are only there for sex anyway. They can let themselves go and go wild because they don't really care what the guy thinks.
With a guy they're serious about and want a future with they are going to be more cautious with regards to sex because they don't want to give the wrong impression and lose respect from the guy they want to be with.
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A
female
reader, sammi star +, writes (11 November 2010):
 I think this is quite a stereotypical view of women! I think I'll speak for quite a few women on here when I say it's not the way my life goes! so maybe I'm not the best person to be answering your question but it was so interesting I can't help myself!
I think the reason your female friends do this is because they know they can truly let themselves and their inhibitions go without having to worry what the guy thinks of them. Why should they care if he thinks she's wierd/slutty etc if they are going to have no further contact? but with the ones who might be sticking around they are naturally going to want to make a good impression, they could end up spending a lot of time with this person and will want the man to form a good impression on them.
Just in case you're thinking that the guys who don't stick around are getting the better deal, they're not. They might get the 'porn star' side of the women but they get nothing else of her. They don't get to share in her intelligence and emotions. They don't get her love. The nice guys don't finish last as is so commonly believed, they just have a quiet victory so not everybody realises that :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2010): Because like us they'll adapt to suit the needs of their partner. If they're partner is highly sexualized and they demand sex they'll go for it. Perhaps they too are sexualized and experimenting. This can be hard work though, so when they meet a guy that doesn't demand that they can relax a bit more. Or they are past their experimentation stage and more relaxed, know what they like and don't like and won't stray out of that. Or their libido could be decreased. Or their new relationship is more about emotion than sex. Or their new guys is better in bed than the last guy and gets her off more efficiently.
Each woman is different, but they're the exact same reasons that we guys change sexually in our relationships. I've had relationships that were almost entirely non sexual and ones where we were like rabbits. It all comes down to the dynamic of the relationship. Each one is different.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (11 November 2010):
 Many people can't mix love and sex together. Some women became fragmented. There are children who grew up and missed out on connections with mommy and daddy. It's more common to have single moms with kids than single dads with kids. So girls are looking for a father figure to marry to ensure they won't be abandoned, also to compensate for having a fatherless childhood. Then they get married and found out the men are more like fathers than mates, especially when a child is born, and that fucking a father feels wrong. They still need their desires met, so what do they do? They go back and forth between devoted family men, and jerks who use them. These are the girls with self-esteem issues who give up on having the whole package in a man.
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