A
female
age
30-35,
*arbiedoll
writes:hmmthere's a new guy at my work. we hit it off from the start. and started dating for about two months... he asked me out. and added me on msn and everything... im very shy so while we were going out i wouldnt even kiss him... yet we were still together... he is a very busy teen. works full time 8am-5pm then 5pm-9 at this other job.. and his prioritys are work. freinds. family then girlfreinds. i decided to break up with him because he was to busy. and he agreed he was. but he really likes me. so he says...he told me that he doesnt want a *leash* right now and thats why we are *dealing*... thta means.. we both like each other... people know we like each other.. were not allowed to be sexually active with other people... we text every single day. and when i stop he gets upset.. he tells me he doesnt have time for a gf... when we were going out we slept together... and he was my first... and i was his first *virgin*... hes EXTREMELY jealous when other guys talk to me, or when i talk to his freinds.. and whenever i threathened to not be with him anymore/ talk to him... he tells me how much he cares bout me. he wants me to wait until hes ready... but what the hell.. lol... another thing is when we argue... he fixes the problem by ignoring me :S ???one day he acts like he likes me, the next he doesnt. and when i gte fed up he all of a sudden replies to me and tells me how much he likes me..and hes not wiht me for the sex beccause i will clearly be like come over ;)... and he will be like i cant and fall asleep... he is clearly too busy. but...i dont know... he also doesnt go for girls that much.. like his own freinds think hes gay... and one of his buddies told me that its so weird how he still likes me.. and still wants to be wiht me.. cuz hes not like that and he doesnt last long... hes extremely busy. when we were going out and we would hang out he would fall asleep everytime. when he tells me he calls me... he will have an excuse not to... like oh sorry i fell asleep.does he like me? or is he playing a game with me. in order to sleep with me?? :S
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female
reader, mcbirdie  +, writes (20 May 2007):
 Why would you stay with this guy? Seriously?
Basically, he calls all the shots and has you waiting around to be grateful for his every crumb of affection. He isn't willing to be with you properly, but doesn't want you to be with other guys. What in heavens name do you get out of this?
Look, I get that he is probably a heck of a lot of fun when he isn't falling asleep and missing dates, or telling you how low a priority you are, or ignoring you when there are problems...but no guy is that great. Really. You deserve to have a guy who is willing to call you his girlfriend, put the time in to be with you, and not make you wonder where you stand with him. You really do. So go get THAT instead of putting up with this.
Best advice you can ever get--if a guy wants to be with you, he will be with you. Saying he "would, but..." doesn't count. Not for "busy", not for any excuse. If he wanted to be with you, he would. Cut him loose and find a man who wants to be with you.
Best of luck.
A
male
reader, DV1  +, writes (20 May 2007):
 I'm caught in the same situation at the moment. I find this situation to be difficult. The conclusion that I've come to is that if you really like someone, you need to be willing to wait for them as long as it takes. It also means accepting them for who they are. It sounds like his priorities are that of any common male. These days, a girlfriend has to be the last priority because of how girls tend to be these days. He most likely doesn't argue with you because he doesn't want to say something that he'll regret, or something that may potentially hurt you.
At the same time, I wonder myself if it also means that they're waiting until something better comes along, and keeping us in their back pockets as a just in case.
DV1
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