A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:OK, a poll:Do you think once you cheat you will always cheat? Even if you found your soul-mate, married and are happy with each other and both agree that finding each other was the best thing that ever happened to you? I cheated and know it was wrong, but also know that I would never do that to my husband (who was my affair)...just curious how others look at this...THANKS!
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female
reader, BestyBoop +, writes (28 April 2013):
I have a "friend" that has been for 49 years. He loves his wife and would never leave her. I am married also but my husband left me for his first wife of 40 years prior. He has left me and come back 3 times, now working on coming back a 4th time. I hate him for what he did but did the same thing myself. My friend recently told his wife of his escapades but he would never leave her. They have recently grown closer than they have been in 5-8 years. She now knows about me but did not say stop see her. I see myself as her. I regret what I have done and at the same time feel I have given her a chance to realize what she could lose. Sometimes its not about cheating. Its a human nature to just want to be loved, to be heard. My friend is just that, my friend. My husband left me for his former wife and now wants to come back. Can you feel my shame? I am the evil woman I despise. The difference is; his wife knows about me, she does not approve but accepts it. I feel she has come back to him. They are a couple now working on their marriage and that make me feel good. He loves her dearly I know this for a fact. Sometimes people just need to feel love.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2008): the only time i've cheated was my freshman year of college...and my bf was still a senior. moving to campus and meeting back up with the guy i had had a crush on for years, seeing him everyday and not seeing my bf as often was my weakness (or else my lame excuse) well now i have a new guy in college (i'm not in college) and the guy i work with all the time is on my mind...i'm fighting the urge to do anything, hoping i dont lose again.
once a cheater, always a cheater.
willpower and love are a must to do the right thing.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2007): I totally disagree with the phrase. My boyfriend and I had been together for 6 years (since HS). We moved in together after going to the same college and then things went terribly down hill. We stopped all intimacy for 4 months then I called a break because we obviously had issues that needed sorting out. The next night I drunkenly hooked up with a guy I didn't really know. I guess technically you could not call this cheating but after the act and sobering up, I felt just as horrible as if I had cheated. I told him about it and we stayed on the break for some time. Now we are back together and it feels like a completely new and BETTER relationship. I would NEVER EVER cheat on him again. It's been 9 months and I still feel just as horrible as I did the day after.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2007): I think you should've ended it with him before seeing other people but you did what you thought was right. I don't agree with that but it was your choice. I personally think that once a cheater always a cheater.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI want to thank all of you for your great replies. I know in my heart that I wronged my ex-husband of 17 years. I was not happy in my marriage, he had not told me he loved me for over 10 years and told me he could not say it...long story, just FYI...I went to counceling to save my marriage ALONE!!! I do feel guilty for hurting my ex-husband, he is a great person, but not my soul-mate. Actually, I was very tactful (if you can have a tactful affair) and we are good friends still. By chance, I was blessed to find a man that worships the ground I walk on and shows me over and over. I promised myself that I would never let my best friend go to bed hurt, or not communicate EVERY THING I AM FEELING! I have been with him over 3 years and every day is a loving, happy and respectful partnership. I never knew life could be so good!! Thanks for all your support.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2007): I agree with dearkelga. I cheated but am sincerley sorry to this very day and wish I never had done it. I learnt from that we needed more communication in our relationship and I know there is no way ever I would do this again to anyone at all it causes too much pain for both of you. I really do love my partner but we were having problems, looking back if we had got counselling earlier or communicated better it would have been prevented.Its true people do learn from their mistakes.The serial cheaters who are not sorry are a different story all together.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2007): Yeah not necessarily. My dad cheated on my mom one time. But he was just really unhappy. My mom paid no attention to him and was always out with her friends. Anyways he has never cheated on any one he has been with since. He is just not a cheating type.Well actually, when my mom and him broke up he moved away and started dating these two women. The reason he may have been kind of unfaithful to them is because he never really took them seriously to begin with. You can't expect to date a guy and him be emotionally available when he just broke up with his wife. Anyways, point is that if a guy is inlove with you he is not giong to cheat on you.
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female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (2 December 2007):
 There are two kinds of cheating. Situational cheating happens when your relationship isn't meeting your needs. If you recognize this and change your relationship (either leave it or improve it) then I think you won't be likely to cheat again, as long as your relationship is meeting your needs.
There are some people who get a high out of cheating and who don't really feel terrible about it. I don't think there is hope for a cheat free future with them.
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A
male
reader, Dazzerg  +, writes (2 December 2007):
 Some will and some won't, it depends on the individual. Some people are really insecure and/or are players; these type of people will tend to be serial cheaters. Others just cheat because their particular relationship isnt fufilling and they won't cheat if they find a better relationship. It's down to the individuals psychology and the circumstances they cheat in really...
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female
reader, hello1 +, writes (2 December 2007):
 Unless the person deserves to be cheated on its fine, but if you really love that peron and he treats you well. Then your a cheater and you obviously don't love that person
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female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (2 December 2007):
The saying can be true in some situtions, but in others not. Some people will cheat and continue to do it, but others will understand why they cheated, learn from it and DEAL with the issue as to why they cheated. So if you are able to do that, truly deal with why you cheated, then your chances of cheating again are slim I think.
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male
reader, SamuraiRick +, writes (2 December 2007):
 As humans we were born with reason and intellect. We have the ability to make mistakes, but then also learn from them, and become better humans with what they call wisdom. Wisdom doesn't just come from books but from learned personal experiences. Sometimes it takes making the mistakes to learn not to make them anymore.
So my answer is yes, you can cheat once, learn from it, and then put it in your past and never do it again. This is what separates us from animals.
But yes, there are those that will cheat once twice, then continue is as a pattern that can only end in destrucion.
Count yourself as one of the smart ones... You cheated, you know you did wrong, and you have decided rightly you will never do it again. I praise you.
In my own personal situation, my wife cheated on me. I found this out with indirect evidence, circumstantial and the indusputable proof of her own writing. To this day she never admitted her wrong. I only wish that she were as brave and intelligent as you as admitted her wrong. I have already forgiven her and moved on.
God bless you, dear...You have found peace in you and that's a good thing.
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male
reader, Samutsen  +, writes (2 December 2007):
 Is it your guilty conscious making you ask this question? Are you questioning your self why you cheated (on your boyfriend. with your present husband)?
I hope and wish you will be faithful to your husband always. But beware of the guilty consicous, if you dont get rid of it and forget, this may lead you to another cheating affair.
In my book: Dennial-self denil, rejection, is the first step of realizing the thing that you deny, reject.
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male
reader, Richard_EMids +, writes (2 December 2007):
 No I don't agree with the phrase - once a cheater always a cheater. If it's true it would apply to other areas of deception wouldn't it??? Once a thief, always a thief. Once a liar, always a liar.
Good luck
Richard
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male
reader, auvi  +, writes (2 December 2007):
it is most likely to cheat again. cheating is like a forbidden fruit, once you have it , you would want to have it again. usually people are slow and resistant to cheat. But when they have the first taste, they become open to the actions. which is why they are more probable to cheat again.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2007): No way! I believe that it is possible for people to change. I think you can always give people a second chance if they seem sincerely sorry!
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