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female
,
anonymous
writes: My boyfriend and I have been dating for about a year. We had a very up and down relationship but he says he loves me and honors me but he doesn’t feel extreme. Our major problem was that he was in love with his ex girlfriend for 7 years she was his first love. He never found out why she refused to continue, and they remained just close friends. But he always said he loved her extremely.Recently my boyfriend went to the same city she is in and since they met he stopped calling or emailing and after 2 weeks from his ignorant behavior I asked him the reason and I complained about his unstable personality he said he had done a mistake attracting me to himself and he is sorry for bothering me, and I only Said ok so I think we should break up because I can’t stand this situation, good-bye. And he replied OK, bye. I am kind of shocked. Everything was getting so perfect before he was leaving he said he loves me and suddenly everything vanished. I don’t know how to get along with this, I can’t stop thinking about him , please help.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, charliesgirl +, writes (11 August 2005):
His behaviour is completely despicable. You must be feeling shocked, heartbroken and completely confused. The fact that this split was unexpected means that not only do you have to come to terms with the break up of a close relationship, but you are also having to come to terms with the fact that a person you loved, trusted and thought you knew inside out is capable of such cruelty.
His recent behaviour has displayed exactly what he is capable of. At the moment you're probably struggling to see anything positive to have come out of the situation but at the very least, you haven't made a deeper commitment to this man, imagine his leaving on your wedding day or worse!
He obviously has huge unresolved issues with his ex girlfriend and unfortunately you have been caught in the crossfire. He is still hopelessly smitten with this girl, so do you not think that you deserve better than to play second fiddle to another woman, whether she is real or a memory? Experience has taught me that a man who talks at any length about ex partners, whether it be in adoration or loathing, is still obssessed by their ex. I pity him, he is totally unwilling to forget about his past and move on with his life.
Ultimately there is absolutely nothing you can do to change this. By his own admission, he seems pretty unfathomable. Perhaps one day he will look on this episode of his life and realise what a foolish mistake he has made, and how he blew a a chance of happiness with a wonderful person.
All you can do is come to terms with what has happened. It will hurt like hell, and don't blame yourself for what happened. He is the one at fault. Give yourself time to grieve, and get support from your family and friends. And hopefully, in time, you will realise what a lucky escape you've really had.
Good luck
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