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writes: I can't forget her... and its been two years.So we. she and I, were together two years ago.. for only about..6 months. Then we got separated by our jobs. By the time we got separated I was convinced she was wifey type, just that quick. I mean, she was kind, and gentle, and loving, and spiritual, and funny. and brave, and a hundred other adjectives. After we got separated we tried to do a long distance thing for a while. She would call saying she missed me and she loved me, and I would reply back with appropriate words of comfort and saying I miss her and love her too. But then...mistrust planted in my mind from previous relationships reared its ugly head, and I started to just lose it. I loved her so much it hurt, and she wasn't there, and for all I knew she was on all fours with some dude in her room. To make things worse, she started calling less and less, and I became an emotional wreck, even going so far as to leave a freestyle on my phone greeting that outlined all my angst and misery to anyone that chose to call lol. Meh.. so eventually it became a she calls every two weeks type of thing, and I was going practically insane. She kept saying something like her phone's roaming charges were 5 dollars a minute! and I've never heard of that so my mistrust just went overboard at that point. I had been played in a bad way by a lying female in the past. I was burning up, and needed something to fill the void in me.. so... I went and found another girl, thinking it would help. But it made it worse, just made me miss her more. And then.. as if that weren't bad enough, I got drunk and for SOME reason, decided it would be the best to tell the truth. So I left her a message... on her phone.. that I had cheated on her and was sorry. After that she stopped calling altogether, and I had to start calling her. And the apologizing began... But thats not the end... oh no. I eventually got her back on the phone and told her I was sorry and had decided to put in a transfer to go to her, even if it threatened my job, and uprooted my life. She didn't tell me NOT to come, when I asked if she wanted me to, she said, "It's on you" or something bullshit like that. So I put in the transfer..with ALOT of difficulty from my bosses, but I basically made it an ultimatum: Move me or lose me. They moved me but after all that trouble, when I got there, she treated me practically like a stranger! Short clipped conversation, only casual hi's as we ran into each other, and absolutely no answering of my phone calls. I would try to talk about what happened, but she kept pretending she hadn't even heard any of my messages when I knew she had. I mean how the hell do I deal with that..can't apologize cuz then I call her a liar, and can't have it normal cuz I knew she knew and was mad and hiding it. This went on another couple months or so, before I just lost it again, getting drunk and leaving an angry voice mail about how she had a great way of showing her supposed love for me.The next day she found me and said the most she had said to me in like a month...with sadness and anger and heartbreak written on her face, that she "never wanted me to call her again", then she ran away! I ran after her to her room and she slammed the door in my face! I scratched and knocked at the door, but...nothing. she was gone to me... just like that.And if you think I was crazy before that just put it in overdrive... I had somehow managed to turn the heart of the girl I've loved most in this world against me. I quit my job that day.. and exiled myself in shame and despair a thousand miles away from there.Over the next two years I sent her birthday cards and the occasional letters all saying how sorry I was.. No response... So two years from the day, I was traveling and happened to be near an address I knew from a package she had sent me. It turned out to be her mama's house. No one was there, but I left a nice card in the mailbox.Well..I finally heard back from her, and she says if I pull a stunt like that again, she will call the cops. and to leave her the eff alone.blahhhh...what do I do. Once her heart is turned is there a way to unturn it? I royally screwed up here...how do I fix it. There's gotta be a way...What I gotta do? Join charities or missions to show how goodhearted I am? Date Beyonce or a lookalike to make her jealous? Leave smoke messages from planes? I'll do anything. She really was the one...
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drunk, jealous, liar, long distance, my boss Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI just don't know... If you claim to know how I feel, then you know me holding out hope for so long isn't just a whim.. Its closer to a force of will inside of me that does not shatter or break. A fiery tempest barely contained as its rage incinerates all in its path...
I could probably manage leaving her alone with some effort.. but as for what I feel for her..I don't know if I'll ever be capable of changing that.
anyways, I appreciate you guys..thanks for the advice
A
male
reader, Rajesh Nair  +, writes (8 April 2009):
 Buddy, i really understand what you are going through you at the moment. But, its a fact and we need to accept it sometime or the other, that if there's one thing we can't change ever, it's someone's free will. We can try our best to influence it, but if it doesn't work out, we just need to let go.If it's really about her happiness, just let her be. It's much better than you being the reason of her guilt or tears, for you never want it to be that way. You know and I can perfectly feel, how much you loved her. But try seeing things from a different perspective. Maybe love isn't just about her being with you, but about you earning her respect someday, irrespective of whether she is with you or not. I'm sure someday, she'll realize her loss.You've done your part, you've loved her in the best possible manner you could. Ask yourself, what more can you do?Move on buddy. You owe a lot to your life now. Remember, you loose something, it's for a reason. Make it the most positive one. Make sure, next time you find love, love the girl in a manner that she would never ever think about leaving you any day...I did that too. (A secret between us two.)What say? Cheers!!! :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionRajesh, yeah, I'm afraid that's the main problem: She doesn't trust me as far as she can throw me..and thats not far. The problem with the friend suggestion is I have tried, over these couple years, saying that I am there for her and want to be her friend and this and that. There is just so much... accumulated issues between us just built up, its like this mountain. And each time she got a letter or message of mine and didn't respond, it just added a little more. I'd be first to admit that there would be a huge awkwardness between us if we met today, because there is just so much to go over. And what with the lines of communication having been closed so long, the backlog is freaking daunting. I think thats part of her reason.. that and she feels a little guilty for how everything turned out..and absolutely HATES and refuses to feel that way at the same time. And so, its projected onto me...Charles, thats a good idea man..but I don't know.. She expressly said to leave her the eff alone.. And she might view it as supreme disrespect and dunderheadedness for me to keep at it after that particular ultimatum she threw at me. Trust me..I've been over and back on that score of infringing on her boundaries my friend.. and I do have something to lose.. I do care about this girl as I thought I expressed. Love her in fact.. I feel that I lose something if I further stress her out or make her sad or upset. And I recently found out on good authority from a mutual friend that I have been doin exactly that . And I don't want to be the guy she grows to dread in her life. Or that makes her cry even mentioning.Arg...its all so f'd up. Because two years to the day, if I STILL make her cry, she still feels something right? But at the same time, I don't want that! I want her to be happy!I just wish it was with me...
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2009): Tell you what you have to do dude...is send her a link to this post.. YOU HAVE NOTHING TO LOOSE MAN, seriously you have lost her and this is probably the only way to get her back. After you send her a link to this post, all you can do is just wait... if she doesnt get back to you.. move on man you deserve someone WAY BETTER... and there are plenty of girls out there who would want a guy like you. I was nearly in your boat untill i realised NO GIRL IS WORTH FIGHTING FOR UNLESS THEY FIGHT FOR YOU BACK. you dig?
peace homes
charles.
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reader, Rajesh Nair +, writes (8 April 2009):
Unturning a heart isn't that easy, when things have gone as far as they have in your case. It's absolutely right on your side to have tried your best to win over her heart, but unfortunately it didn't work out as well as it should have. Maybe she's never able to forget the fact that you fell in love with someone else, while you always confessed that you loved her. Maybe she doesn't know the reason for it. Maybe she feels you never cared to ask her what she expected from you and the relationship you shared.Whatever happened, it's pretty clear that she doesn't trust you anymore. A good way to start would be perhaps to tell her someway, that you intend to make up for whatever has happened by being a great friend of hers. Nurture this friendship to an extent, where she starts trusting you again. Don't impose any conditions on your relationship. Keep it plain and simple. Don't expect much from her. Just be there when she needs someone to share. Have patience and be a true friend.And who knows, if everything works out, some day you two may end up as partners for life.All the best...Cheers!!!
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