A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years and our sex life has been steadily declining. We were both really inexperienced when we met (I was a virgin) so we waited a few months to have sex. During those first few months we fooled around and did typical foreplay stuff all the time. Then, once we had sex the foreplay completely stopped. I figured I would give it time and wait for it to get better. We would have sex a few times a week which consisted of nothing before or after that could even resemble foreplay. I would get upset afterward and try to talk to him about it, but he thought the sex was what was making me emotional. So it changed to about once a week. At the time, I was too embarrassed to admit that I was unhappy with it, so I didn't say anything. We had sex less and less until we moved in together, about a year ago. And since then the sex has almost stopped. We have sex once every 2-3 months. Now he's in his early twenties and I'm only 18, so I don't understand this at all. I've tried everything. Anytime I bring up sex he gets really uncomfortable so it's extremely hard to suggest anything without feeling to weird or dirty.If I attempt to initiate sex (which I rarely do anymore for the fear of rejection) he quickly kisses me and busies himself with something. On the rare occasion we do have sex it's short and unconnected. I have tried talking to him about it, more about the amount of sex rather than quality, and he says he's worried about pregnancy and becoming a "sex addict." When we first started having sex I was on birth control, which he asked me to stop, so I have a really hard time believing it. He says that it's not me, but I've found porn on his computer. It's so frustrating and hurtful. I don't know what else I can do or how I can make him understand without offending him. Any suggestions?thanks.
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female
reader, girlwhoneedshelp  +, writes (16 November 2007):
 Nevermind about offending him! He's being awful to you and you should tell him exactly how you think he is acting and exactly what you think of him. There must be something far more serious going on here, I mean what man refuses to have sex with his girlfriend? Becoming a sex addict is definitely not something you'd think a man would be scared of.
I think that maybe the reason here is is the porn. Porn is very unloving, animalistic and disrespectful. I think maybe that by watching porn he has started to see sex with you in a different way also and thats why the foreplay has gone out the window and thats why the sex is so short.
You should give him an ultimatum. Either get rid of the porn, as it is damaging your relationship, or get rid of you. If he loves you then he will happily stop looking at porn, if he thinks this is an absurd idea then I don't think your're with the right man hun!
Good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2007): If I am being honest his behaviour is that of a man getting what he wants from somewhere else. The porn isnt too much of an issue. All men watch it, the worrying thing is that he chooses that over you.
Once he took your viginity perhaps he wasnt planning on staying in the relationship and it almost sounds like he is punishing you for sticking around.
You need to be firm and honest. Explain that you need more effort on his behalf and that he is not giving you what you need. If he throws a paddy, you need to let him go - your supposed to be in a mature relationship and should beable to voice your concerns.
Also you probably havnt even discovered what you enjoy about sex as he has not given you the opportunity to explore, go and find a new relationship that will rock your world!
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