A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:This is an unusual back story which I will try to sum up, and I would appreciate suggestions on how to change my perception.Relationship: Lesbian Couple (both bisexual)Ages: Me (late 20's), her (early 30's)Looks: We are both attractiveLength of Relationship: 2 yearsBeginning Feelings: I fell hard for her, and she did not reciprocate.Length of time We have known each other: 4 yearsIssue: I am ambivilant about committing.Reasons: For the first year, she was absolutely horrible to me. I kept breaking it off and she kept reeling me back in. Examples She broke up with me by giving me a letter that said she did not reciprocate my feelings and that she was using me because I adored her and she liked the attention. She said her bestfriend told her to write the letter. Then, she turned around the next day to tell some family friend guy that they should be together. He became sexually agressive and she then rejected him during that encounter. The day after, she came back to me apologizing and saying she wanted to be with me. She admitted to purposely inciting jealousy in me to feel in control of the relationship. I started Masters program, and she told me right off the bat she slept with a professor at the institution the very first week i started!!! That was a rough quarter. She kept dropping lines to me like, "I am worried my family and friends will think I can do better", "I don't really care about people when I date them. I can get anyone I want." Reason I stayed: I fell hard for her. It was that kind of falling for someone where you could picture yourself with them for the rest of your life (I had no friggen idea she was abusive). It was soooo strong in the beginning and over time, it went away. It turns out that a year into the relationship, she was diagnosed with ADD and comorbid narcissism due to low dopamine.To date: She is waaaaaayyyy more caring. She loves me and moved to my location so we could live together. There are so many moments I use to think she was a monster or possessed (not literally); there are soooo many examples I could list of painful moments and her cold self inflicting emotional pain onto me purposely and unapologetically. Her life has done a 360 since starting medication. It is amazing how, in her case, a significant amount of dopamine could cause a person to be so cruel. I lost that love feeling a year ago and it has not come back. :( I had love for my ex for 7 of the 8 years, so no, it is not like I don't know what love is.Additional issues: She is slightly under 5ft and I am at the high end of 5ft. She keeps relying on me to initiate because she says I am more dominant than her. She is lazy in bed. Interestingly enough, she has slept with over 20 guys and 4 women, kissed over 50 people while I stayed in a committed 8 year relationship with one partner. I would expect a person with such a history to be a little more in tune in the bedroom. Nope. I am the one that is creative. I am the one who is giving. I love giving but it really ruins my selfesteem as a woman to not have that initiative on the other person's part. I am starting to envy heterosexual relationships because I am unhappy with how my height makes women tend to expect me to play the agressor in bed; I am not emotionally attracted to men. I want to feel feminine as well. I also don't want to be with someone who has slept around. I am not saying she is a slut. I am saying that I was raised with an idea to at least try to save oneself for a special person, thus, I have turned down people. Additionally, it is unhygenic to sleep with and kiss so many people. TB, herpes, influenza, pneumonia, CMvirus, yeast infection, gum disease, hpv...YUCK! I struggle with respecting her in regards to her past. Thank you for your time and I hope that the post was not too long :/
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you janniepeg. I have that same suspicion, yet she keeps denying she is with me out of security. It is very frusterating because her actions and words do not meet in the middle.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (1 February 2013):
 You fell hard for her when she was mean to you. Now that she is nicer you lost that loving feeling. Overall I feel that your needs are not getting met. The medication that helps her ADD and narcissism could be the cause of her disinterest in sex. My belief about medication is that it can make a person function well, but its side effects make a person not whole. Being dominant and submissive is not the issue. You have to question is she really into you or is she using you for security. If she is that experienced she should know that height has nothing to do with dominance. If she really loves you she would want to please you, regardless of being dominant or submissive. I know some people would settle in a relationship. The person they pick for long term is often not the one with the most sexual spark. However people have needs. For me, it is cruel and disappointing to cohabit with a person then not wanting anything sexual with her.
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