A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm in quite a predicament. I'm a student and I don't have a lot of money to spend. I live away from home and I don't have many friends in the city besides from college friends. I go out with these college friends once and sometimes twice a week for a few pints after classes as it is the only time I really get to socialize with anyone during the week. Now the problem is, my best friend from back home is constantly on my case about how I don't have money to go out with her but I have money to go for pints with the people in college. I've explained to her that it is the only time I get to see people but she doesn't wanna hear it.I'm nearly always in debt from going silly places with her when I'm home like for meals we don't need as we can eat at home and driving around all the time so we spend money on silly things when we are out. I have asked her to tell me in advance when she wants me to go out and she does sometimes but most times she expects me to go out at the drop of a hat. I feel like she just doesn't respect the fact that having no money and not being able to find a job gets me down SO MUCH. And she rarely wants to do things that are free.I used to always go out with my friends from back home, every weekend but now everyone has boyfriends so the whole dynamic has changed. It is nights spent in old, boring country bars with their boyfriends and me stuck talking to said boyfriends obnoxious friends who I've told her I dislike yet she expects me to hang with even though she won't hang with my friends in college. And my friends in college don't really hang out unless alcohol is involved because well we're students.I know that she's a good friend and she just wants to spend time with me but I'm going between pleasing her or being lonely all week.I'm afraid I'm going to lose my friends at home because they think my priorities are not straight.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2013): Asker: Thank you so much for your great advice, I just sent a message with the tips you have given me. Hoping all goes well. Thank you again!
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (1 February 2013):
 She doesn't sound like much of a friend, to be honest. If she can't respect your financial limitations and expects you to be available whenever she decides?
Why can't you set your own schedule with her? Choose the things you want to do that you can afford and invite her. If she chooses not to go, well, that's her choice.
Just as it's within your power to decide to skip going with her on outings you can't afford.
I'd be really blunt with her, spell it out, "she doesn't want to hear it" notwithstanding.
"Jane, I have exactly 2 pounds and 48 pence in my budget for entertainment at this time. That's it. That's all I've got. There is no more. I don't have it to spend. I am a student with a limited budget. 2 pounds and 48 pence. That's the lot. So, my solution to my dilemma is to go to [fill in the blank here] and we can spend time together there. If you can't go, I will understand. Just as I hope you understand when I have to pass on joining you for some things."
People bully you if you let them.
Don't let her do that, okay? Be brave. Speak up. Be honest.
If she's not listening and doesn't care, she's not all that great a friend.
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