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On one hand, I like him and miss his company, on the other hand I find his cold and insensitive side hurtful. Am I over-reacting?

Tagged as: Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (5 August 2007) 2 Answers - (Newest, 6 August 2007)
A female United States age 51-59, *nowthyselfandmoveon writes:

I ended a 12 year old relationship less than 2 month ago. Started going out with this guy a month ago. When we are together he is fine, and he is good in bed, so thats not a problem.

I have huge issues with his communication though. He rarely calls me, mostly emails me. When he is away on vacation (3-8 days at a time) he cuts communications and when I am away never calls. When he is back never says he missed me.

The last time when he came back he emails and says he had fun, and what am I doing that night? I was really heart broken, I wrote back the day after and just said hi and that I was glad he had fun.

On one hand, I like him and miss his company, on the other hand I find this cold and insensitive. I am thinking of meeting up and breaking up with him. Do you think its too soon to tell? Am I overreacting? Should I give him more time?

I am so frustrated.

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A female reader, LauraE United Kingdom +, writes (6 August 2007):

Hi,

You are vulnerable at the moment, and seem to have picked the wrong man to get involved with. Maybe he has different expectations from the relationship than you. Or maybe he is a controlling heartless kind of man. Either way, you aren’t happy with the way things are, so the best thing is to walk away now before you get more involved with him. Maybe give yourself a bit more time before you get involved again.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2007):

He sounds like a 'virtual' boyfriend to me. I think his coldness is quite controlling and he is making sure he has the upper hand. The hardest thing, particularly after a long relationship, is to be honest with yourself about something new. But take a step back... is this really what you want from a guy? I know I wouldn't. Its not loving behaviour what he does so decide. My blunt advice would be to find someone else before you get any more hurt - you don't need to feel this needy. You are not a dog to be fed scraps of meat when he decides to.

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