A
female
age
36-40,
*eahBaby
writes:The Context:I was with X from February 2005 til August 2006, as I was moving to university. I have never been so truly in love, so happy, so content. I lost my virginity to this man, and he made me feel so safe. We could talk about anything and everything, for hours on end. I suffered from a life-threatening illness over Christmas 2005, and he was fantastic. We had to make great changes to our lives over that couple of months, and he was more supportive and helpful and caring than I ever expected or imagined. Sure, we had arguments, every relationship does, and neither of us were perfect. But then I lost a lot of weight, and started receiving attention from a lot of men, and I began to feel that I wanted to be single and have some fun. I went off to university and did meet someone, but it soon became clear that he paled in comparison with X, and we got back together last November. But over last Christmas, it became clear that he had issues with drink and drugs, and I really couldn't be bothered with the relationship, so I finished it again in February 2007. I have had a couple of sexual relationships since then, and even fell for someone over the summer, though he was unavailable and nothing really came of it.Where I Am Now:About a month ago, I felt ready to contact X again. So far, it has been e-mail, texting and MSN. But it has become very clear that I made a huge mistake in letting go of X. I realise I was a complete bitch in the past, but I feel I have changed, and would put 110% into the relationship if it was to start up again. However, we've never properly talked about the 'what-ifs' and I haven't told him how I feel about him. Where X Is Now:We have nice conversations with each other, and we still have loads to talk about. He laughs and jokes with me, but I sense a real holding-back. I don't know whether its a lack of feelings for me anymore, or whether it's holding back, afraid to throw himself into it again. But I truly believe he will still have feelings for me, although I'm terrified of broaching the subject. My university is only 2 hours away from where he lives, so distance isn't really an issue. The drink and drugs problems are, to my knowledge, solved (he still occasionally goes to the pub). He mentioned something about applying for a job in Texas (we live in Britain) so obviously if that did happen, it would **** everything up, but I'm not too convinced it will happen.The Future:I feel there is so much we never got to do, and I felt our relationship stopped far short of where it was supposed to. I've written a letter explaining how I feel about him (we used to sent letters to each other all the time while we were together) but I haven't sent it. No matter what has happened, he has always been in the back of my mind, and I feel there must be a reason for this. I am hoping that when I am next home (a week tomorrow) we can arrange to meet up, initially just as friends, but with a bit of an ulterior motive. I don't know what my intentions are here, just some messages of advice and support would be greatly appreciated. Anyone who is/has been in similar situations, or X himself - let me know what you think!
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christmas, drugs, got back together, lost my virginity, msn, text, university Reply to this Question
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female
reader, muffy  +, writes (22 November 2007):
 well you said he has been therr with you through everything.that shows sooo much about him.he must really care about you and the drugs and drinking are coming to an end.do you ever think he stoppped just for you?you should give it another shot because if i were you then i wouldnt wanna trust any1 else with my life but him.he is stuck in the back of your mind for a reason.maybe if you give him another chance he will come to the front of your mind and it will make a decision for you.if you guys really love each other then therr you go.get back 2gether.if you guys dont get along the way you used to then try sum1 else but dont ever forget him and always be friend with him.no matter what.just remember all of the things he has done for you and how hes always been therr for you.ok.
i hope i helped
love and kisses
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