A
female
age
41-50,
*hicken george
writes:need help.my husband is older by 12 yrs..he has ED.i am only 33 even though we r married..do i stop hhaving sex cause he cant..i like having sex..our sex life has never been great anyway..so do i find me someone on the side just for sex or just stop all together cause he cant
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2011): short answer no you shouldnt cheat i liked sex too but when my wife got cancer she was in pain all the time i couldnt even kiss her for 5 years it was like that but i never cheated if you really love him sex should be so important that you would do that to someone but they do make strap ons for men with ed there are also many diffrent types of treatment for it he needs to consult with a dr and you need to tell him how important sex is to you
A
male
reader, wiseoldman  +, writes (7 August 2011):
45 is young for ED- does he have other problems like obesity, alchoholism or diabetes, all of which can cause impotence? Get him to a doctor and if your husband's willing to work on sorting things out you're on the road to recovery. If not- then you'll have to reasess your marriage because it's unfair to you to be expected to live like a nun when you're only 33.
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (7 August 2011):
 I don't think you should cheat -- I don't think you'd be able to live with yourself if you went that route. Let's face it, I don't think your husband would either, because eventually he is going to find out.
I'd also ask you why did you marry the man, if your sex life wasn't good to begin with? Did you expect it to get better, magically?
At this point, I think you need to schedule your husband for an appointment with a urologist or even his general practitioner. There are medications to help with ED. Also, ED is usually the first sign of significant health problems to come: diabetes, heart disease, poor circulation, etc. He should go for a general checkup as well. If he is overweight or out of shape, perhaps a gym membership could help out.
Finally, he can still pleasure you orally or if you want to invest in "toys" he can use them on you. He needs to be reminded that part of HIS marital commitment is to love and fulfill the needs of his wife. You may need to remind him of this and you'll have to be brave and bring it out in the open with him.
Finally, if none of these things work, I think you really have to ask yourself if you want to sacrifice your honor by sneaking around or just simply end the marriage. This is easier said than done (especially if you have children) but only you can decide if seeing someone on the side is the answer for you -- but the price you may pay, may not worth the fleeting moments of passion.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (7 August 2011):
 If you still enjoy sex, there are things your husband can still do.
1) Go to a doctor-together-yeah it's hard for a guy to bring this up but divorce and cheating wives are embarrassing too-especially when people get wind of the reason. Maybe the doctor can help him and maybe he can't go on the meds due to health reasons.
2) So, if #1 doesn't get you where you want to be, then you need to get creative. Get a vibrator and have your husband and you work this out together. All the lovemaking in the world is so much more cherished when two people love each other and there doesn't always have to be traditional sex to be satisfied.
Keep the lines of communication open with your husband and it will work out.
Don't cheat on him. His ego is already in the tank and you cheating because he "can't be a man" is a nail in his coffin. Getting divorced is better than cheating.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, hopeFUL_romantic_13  +, writes (7 August 2011):
I can't believe an Agony Aunt would actually ask that question. No, you shouldn't cheat. You decided to marry an older man. That means you have to cope with all the disadvantages. Surely you would have known that he wouldn't be able to have sex anymore, whether it was because of erectile dysfunction or he just wasn't interested in having it. Cheating is the worst thing you could do when you're married. Sex isn't the most important thing. Did you love him when you married him? Do you still love him? I guess not since you're considering having an affair because he's no longer useful in the bedroom. I'm sorry but that's inconsiderate and cruel.
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A
male
reader, Daniel the love doctor +, writes (7 August 2011):
 No. I wouldn't advise you to cheat. ED is a very embarrassing condition that affects many men- especially those who are of older age. Aside from pills, there are manual exercises that he could do such as kegals and reverse kegals. Letting him know about this stuff (and believe me he is aware) can be tough- but you could tell him that as much as you love him, you want your sex with him to be better. Suggest that he go online and check out some various resources when it comes to ED. There is information out there that could definitely help.
You may also want to try more foreplay. Encourage more use of your hands and mouth. This may help your sex life get a bit better.
Hope this helps!
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