A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 19 and have been dating my 29 year old boyfriend for a year. He has a Master's in Electrical Engineering with a GREAT job and ambitions in life. It's not like he's a dead beat guy preying on young women; he's a genuinely good, hard working guy. He's very supportive of me wanting to become an RN and tells me I'll be a great wife and mother someday. Problem is, he wants me to be a great wife and mother in the VERY near future. In fact, he proposed to me two days ago but unfortunately, I had to tell him I would think about it.I feel SO bad for doing that but I'm only 19! I mean, he's never pressured me into anything; in fact, he waited six months to sleep with me and even then, I was the one to bring it up. He loves me, supports me, showers me with gifts and respect, and is very understanding... this guy is the real deal and I can't believe I'm this lucky at my age. But he proposed far too soon! It may have a lot to do with our age gap and the fact that he's already almost in his 30s. But like I said, I'm only 19.I've had a couple relationships in the past and one of them actually ended just two months before this one started. He was my age and we were together (on and off) for three years. The bastard cheated on me constantly and I'd had it. ANYWAY! As it goes, I can totally see myself married to this guy and having kids with him but I don't want a super long engagement but I don't want to get married until I'm at least 21 or 22. I want to become an RN first, ya know? How do I tell him?
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female
reader, reginarobina +, writes (6 July 2012):
I agree with everyone on here, have a sit talk with him and explain to him exactly what you told us. What you are saying completely makes sense and hell, if he really did love you he would understand and stay. Just make sure you make it clear that you have a mindset of marrying him. If you guys really do have a great relationship as you explained, he would trust you and hope the best for you:)(Btw considering his age it would probably a lot more harder for him to reject you then go find another girl then have that whole dating scene only to risk getting rejected again!)
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (26 April 2012):
 you tell him EXACTLY what you told us..
you can see yourself marrying him
you love him you want to be with him but you don't want a long engagement (not sure why not as it might make it easier on him and there are folks that are engaged for years)
if you give him a time frame like "I want my RN degree first then we can get married" that sounds reasonable to me...
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (26 April 2012):
 You just have to sit down with him and literally say everything you have told us here. There is no good way to say 'not yet' to a marriage proposal - but as long as you make it clear that you really do want to marry him, but you are too young at the moment and dont want a long engagement. I'm sure he will understand, you just have to be honest and talk to him as soon as you can.
All you have to say is that you love him very much and you are really excited about the future with him, however you dont want a long engagement and you dont want to get married until you are 21/22, so you are really sorry but you cant say yes at the moment. But make sure he knows if he asks you again in a couple of years time it will be a big 'yes'!
I'm sure he will already be a bit prepared for a 'no' as you told him you would think about it - when a guy hears that he knows there is a bit of a problem so he should be sort of prepared for this conversation. If he really does love you and respect you then he will be supportive of this decision and he shouldnt get too upset, hopefully he will understand.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2012): Hi. I think you are very wise to want to establish yourself before entering marriage. It is only what your boyfriend has already done, so he should understand.
Being older, he probably has a clock ticking somewhere but that can wait a little longer if he is prepared to do what it takes to become your husband. Talk to him, explain how dear he is to you and how much you want to marry him but...and fill in the blanks. I am sure he will be reasonable and understand. With any relationship there has to be some give and take and you need more time to do the things you want to do, before taking the plunge. Given your age, that is very understandable.
It will be interesting to see how well he responds to your request. If he is understanding and supportive...you have found a good guy! If he pressures you and makes you feel you are unreasonable for wanting to establish yourself first. Then he is not thinking about you or your needs at all and it might be wise to give marriage to such a person a lot of thought!
An engagement for a couple of years is fine and really quite traditional. If you could get past your dislike of that idea it might satisfy him for now and leave you free to pursue your career. Give it some thought.
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