A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been going out for almost a year now, been "together" for longer.Whilst I love him, there are issues about him that bug me. I need to confront him about old issues. Stuff that doesn't happen anymore, but that I am afraid will resurface. Firstly, he has had a way of giving women the wrong impression. For instance he'll use pet names (nothing intense, just "ange" and the likes), talk affectionately to them (although nothing too affectionate) and has sent pictures of himself to other women to see "what they think of the picture". I know it was innocent, and does not really occur anymore as he doesn't like the girls. He just loves the attention. Yet it annoys me as I think it is giving the complete wrong impression of our relationship. Makes me also feel like I'm just "one of those women", nothing special. My boyfriend has always been described by one guy as "selfish and only loves himself." I thought I knew differently, maybe I am wrong...I've never found evidence of cheating, only one message he sent long ago to a woman saying how he had had an "unclean" dream about her. It perplexes me though as she is a much older woman who is unattractive, and he is quite a vain person in that sense. I have known this boy and now man for a long time, and am 100% certain he would not go there. So again I ask...is it attention he seeks?He has definately improved over the course of our relationship. But the fact that I haven't told him how I feel about his whole past attitude is killing me. I am sensitive, and the sort of person who traps all their anger and hurt inside. I have trust issues too. So who's even to blame...me or him?Don't get me wrong, he is a very good boyfriend, and adores me. He has made extreme changes in his life to be with me, and fought very hard to win me over. I just don't feel I can trust him because of old issues, and it hurts me so much because I can't imagine myself without him. But how can I learn to trust him? I know he's changing everyday yet I still hold onto old issues...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2009): hey there,
unfortunately, as daunting as it sounds you need to confront him and discuss how you are feeling. He needs to reassure you to help you trust him.
I have been in your situation before and it really sux, because at the end of the day you know his reassurance will never completely change how you feel.
Relationships are all about taking risks, you are taking a risk trusting this man because you know old habits die hard and knowing his past is not necessarily a plus in this situation. But at the same time you can not expect him to have to prove that he is trustworthy. All you can do is trust him, and explain to him if he ever breaks that trust then you two have nothing together. If he betrays you then you will be heartbroken but trust me as much as it hurts, it will hurt more to stay with someone who can not be trusted. Been there done that and wasted alot of time believing he would change or become trust worthy.
And another thing I have learnt over the years is to trust your gut instinct, you obviously have one and that is why you are feeling this way.
Keep your eyes open, take the risk, trust him and let fate play its course....
Good Luck :)
please remember though, it is not the end of the world if it doesn't work out with him, you will get over it and find someone else more worthy!!!
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