A
male
age
41-50,
*izardo
writes:10 years ago I had a HUGE crush on a girl I worked with. I'm not exaggerating when I say she was the sexiest girl I've ever seen. She had a bf when we met, but even after I was pretty sure she was free, I didn't dare come close. I am shy and you know how people are afraid to get noticed going after a colleague. So I never let anyone notice or realize my crush.So, then this guy joins the company, hits on her, yada yada yada, they're now married. You can imagine how I felt at the time.So now, 2010, I'm at a new job and, you guessed it, feel a crush for a new girl. But I'm new there, and I think if I get noticed inviting her for coffee or anything of the sort, I'll get reprimanded. I can't leave this job, but I don't want to go through this again. What can I do?
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male
reader, rcn  +, writes (24 April 2010):
 In any setting, people tend to know who the shy ones are. That's the reputation you don't want to follow you, but you don't want to be so out there where the girls are nervous around either. You want to get to know people in your office. She is an individual who happens to be female that you happen to like a lot, but she is still an individual first. That's how you need to view her. Nothing else can fall into place, unless you first see her as being a person, a team member at work, someone you "as the new boy" can ask questions when you need assistance at work etc.
Start conversations, and see where the compatibility is while having small chat with her. If it's going well, a way to meet I see that you could say is, "I want to continue our conversation (maybe add something specific ur talking about), I stop by ______________ for breakfast before work, can I buy you breakfast on (day, this week or day next), and we can continue our conversation where we left off?"
There you didn't really ask her on a date, it's two co-workers meeting up before work for breakfast.
You get reprimanded, generally by coming on two strong. I'd also recommend that, when you know you'll ask her, to know what you're going to say, and to have rehearsed it numerous times before you do. This way you'd be more confident and less shy when it came time. And remember, you'd be asking her from one individual to another individual. Keep her in that perspective then it won't seem as if your asking someone who may be out of reach.
A
male
reader, S.G.D  +, writes (24 April 2010):
I think that you should start talking to her see how things go and then ask her on a date, ok your shy but times goes to quick to let the moment slip by, you just said the girl you like before is now married if you like her dont let this one go and then feel down about it
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