A
male
age
36-40,
*irgomaniac
writes:So this is bothering me. I was seeing a girl for 2 months, we fell in love quick but due to family issues and differences we took a break. She started seeing someone else. We still hung around and got even closer, she told me mulitple times she still loved me and not the other guy. I sorted out stuff and told her I can make things work. she was excited but said she cant leave the other guy. So we kind off had our official break, it was hard. We work together. There were monents of emotions, hot and cold etc. i started working out, lost weight and started seeing someone else, this made her feel jealous i guess. One day she cried and told me she thinks she made a mistake, but i told her I am seeing someone else and cant just leave that person.Anyway my rebound relationship ended. She was going through some problems herself and was sad and depressed, i love her still. So one weekend i took her to anything city, where she had never been and we explored it. It was fun, we drove back same night, she was still seeing that guy so i knew my limits. It was a 4hr drive back home. She put her head on my shoulder all the way and then started running her fingers on my chest ... i missed all this, but i kept my emotions under control and didnt let things get out of control.After we got back she left, i was sad. I thought maybe she would txt me tell me it was wonderful etc etc. but she stopped txting me (she txts alot usually all day long). At work she wouldnt look me in the eye. I thought maybe she felt guilty about it too. So I stepped back and stopped txting her too. But again at work, she came really close and smelt me and said i smelt good. N looked me in the eyes in a flirty way. I dnt get it! She doesnt txt or call much, when she does its one word, when i txt its a one word reply and then in person she is being flirty!I love her, i dont know if she wants to come back, i just dnt want to be hurt again ... either i want her or i want her to get out of my life. What should i do? How do i find out her intentions? I dnt want to confront her coz she wud deny i think .. i dnt know. Please advice.Thank you
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a break, at work, depressed, fell in love, flirt, jealous Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (6 February 2017):
 She is enjoying the attention she gets from you. She is selfish, she doesn't care about your feelings or for the guy she is seeing. She only cares about herself and the attention you give her. It has to stop. Or else you are going to end up repeatedly getting hurt. End all contact. Tell her you are sorry but you cannot be friends with her anymore and wish her well. Then delete her contact details and avoid talking at work.
A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (5 February 2017):
You are a fool for staying in contact with this person. The moment she saw someone else told you everything you need to know. If you were enough for her, she would have no reason to go anywhere else.
Move on.
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (4 February 2017):
 If she wanted to finish the other guy she would. What's stopping her?
She's having her cake and eating it too. She's getting all the BF stuff off the other guy and having her ego stroked at work by you. You need to be firm with her and tell her no more flirting. Keep the contact strictly work related and nothing more.
It will be hard but it needs to happen, she is fucking you around.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2017): This really has to end. There are situations when people want attention from multiple partners, and they never really commit to one person. She is toying with your emotions to boost her own ego, and this is a form of narcissism.
You and the other guy are both being used.
This is where you have to be strong and end it. Cut it completely off; because all she wants is a lot of male-attention, and not really commit herself to anybody.
Are you spending a lot of money on her, buying her gifts, and showering her with compliments? Well, she's feeding on it.
Men end-up fighting over women who do this; only for her to dump them both; to move-on to someone else. Feeling proud of herself for breaking a string of hearts; and thinking she's irresistable.
She uses her femininity to manipulate. The tears, sadness, and pawing all over you. That's all an act. It gets you going. Stirs you up, and she has your heart in the palm of her hands.
Come on, dude! Seriously?!! You're a pushover, and you're putty in her hands. This lady is a certified player.
Man-up, let her know that you're looking for something more serious. I caution you about using the word love so casually, by the way. You're manipulating her as well.
A mere two-months is not enough time to really fall in-love; because it takes time for such feelings to grow and really take hold. Love is a very strong emotion and telling people you love them is not child's play. It takes time to establish such a strong attachment. You should stop telling her you love her; because she comes back just to hear you say it. Some people are just addicted to hearing it, but don't reciprocate. It is likely the other guy knows better, and he isn't saying it to her.
Let her go, man. It's the smart thing to do. You're both playing a dangerous and very immature game, leading you both to nowhere; and it really has to stop.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (4 February 2017):
 Honestly? She sounds like she is playing games. And I don't mean Monopoly.
She has MADE the choice to stick with the CURRENT BF, which means HE is the one she has picked. Now she might occasionally regret it, but.. she hasn't dumped him so to me that means she REALLY isn't wanting to dump him.
She keeps the "flirty & touchy" thing going with you to keep you focused on her, even if you can't "have" her. She WANTS her cake (her BF) and eat it too (you). She doesn't want YOU to move on and she doesn't want to lose getting attention from you.
But let us for a minute step out of YOUR shoes and hers, HOW would you feel if YOU were the BF and she was doing this "thing" with another guy? She is being a total twat to her BF. Because she is STILL emotionally attached to you and have no intention of severing that (which really she should).
My advice?
Text her, or call her, or tell her in person (doesn't matter, it really depends on how YOU want to do it) BUT... LET her know you can't continue as things are so you are going to block her and not more flirty games at work. That means you can be polite, courteous and professional towards her at work, but nothing more. And UNLESS you need her to be able to call you on your cell for work, I'd block her. Easier that way.
If she feels depressed or sad, LET her BF cheer her up - NOT your problem.
And then you work on letting her go.
You know? I don't think she was all that serious with you, to begin with if you got replaced so fast, and MAYBE that thought will help you move on.
Don't settle for half-assed. And whatever you have with this chick is nothing SHORT of half-assed. It's a WASTE of your time.
Chin up.
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