A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Please help! My boyfriend has a terrible sense of what he deems as "music". He insists on singing extremely hoakey songs to me in a weird, baritone voice. When I ask him to stop he ignores me because he believes I will like it if I listen a little more to it. He seriously believes it is likeable. This is giving me the CREEPS! Every time I tell him how I feel uncomfortable, he gets really saddened by it. He's not been in a choir in over 30 years, and I have been in choirs for decades, and studied classical music for a long time. He gets impatient when I try to show him the music I'd prefer to hear from him and the style, and says I just need to give him time. I have always believed that your primary music style (the style that you like the most) shows something about your life philosophies. I wonder if perhaps we have different philosophies in life.I was willing to accept the fact that he doesn't really appreciate the music I love, but why does he try to insist that I love him singing music to me that I hate and in a style that is overbearing, show-offish, and just really weird and annoying? I think he just loves the sound of his own voice and has really not sense of style.One time I fell asleep in the car while he was driving, and I woke up to him serenading me a song I'd already asked him to no longer sing to me. It was so creepy, because he was stroking my hair and so happy yet not considering the fact that I asked him to not sing the song to me. He's not even being funny, he's been serious!This makes me think this is connected to how whenever I say I'd like to do something that isn't what he wants, instead of telling me what he is thinking, he'll ask me several times other things to see if I will change my mind. It gets me so frustrated! Is this typical narcissism on his part? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (13 December 2010):
 Me to TI! I almost lost my husband once and now his snoring is the most beautiful music to my ears. To the poster: I really think you are placing too much importance on this singing thing. Also on equating some one's music choices to their "Life Philosophies". Good lord what does it say about me if I like The Raspberries and also Beethoven????? But like Meestal said, if this truly bugs you then dump him and move on, it's not like you are married or anything.
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (13 December 2010):
 I think he just really likes his voice and thinks that he is impressing you by sharing his gift and what he's spent years training for a studying. Hey, if you were a master of Italian poetry, or making German pastries, or known for your moving deliveries of Shakespearean sonnets I'll bet you'd be showing off your talents too when you could. Yes, I think he must have an ego on him if he still sings at you despite his protests, but I think that this is his talent and this is what he wants to share with you. I don't think he is doing it to drive you nuts, I think that he is showing off and hoping that even though you don't care for the song, you like the way he sounds singing it.
I almost lost my husband once, and all the sudden all of those little things he used to do that drove me absolutely BATTY were some of the things I was going to miss the most. So while this might irritate you now, if you love him, you'll grow to love this part too.
Good luck!
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A
male
reader, meestal  +, writes (12 December 2010):
If this music thing is so important to you, maybe you are really not compatible with this guy.
On the other hand, the value you attach to a musical meeting of minds with the man you are with is quite unusual. Many people have a different taste in music, or a different taste in arts, or root for different sports teams, or enjoy different flavors of food, but are still happily together and in love. People are like that -- all different.
Look, this guy is just the way he is. If you cannot tolerate it, move on. If you like him for everything else he offers you (tenderness, initiative, a strong personality) then maybe you can de-emphasize the music thing and be together.
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