A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Just want to do a survey to married/divorced folks:Which of you have stayed married despite being unhappy?Do you regret it? How long have you been married? Why were you unhappy?Which of you decided to divorce because you were unhappy? Are you happier now? Do you regret it? How long have you been divorced? Why did you divorce?Thank you!
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI forgot to say thank you for all of your time to answer this. I think it helps other people who is going through a rough patch in their marriages.
Love is NOT the only answer to keeping a relationship together, it involves WORK. It certainly helps to have two people choosing to continue to work at it. But there's a fine line between choosing to stay or accepting it's time that it has to end. Each experience is going to be different, sometimes its not as easy as black and white.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMy heart weeps to those who are still unhappy despite choosing to stay for whatever reason they believe was the right thing to do. Here's what I have learned though is that you can't expect things to change if you keep doing the same thing over and over. But if one of you just try, then show them love as God loved us (letting His precious Child die for us) we can learn from that and miracles do happen. As for divorced people I know (in their 30s), some were married 10yrs w/ kids, 13 yrs on another w/ a kids, and 2 yrs. W/ a kid. Now they're either successful in their chosen career or found the right person to love and be loved. They say they are much happier than before. I think its deciding to be happy regardless the decision you make will change your future.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2016): My daughters were 12 and 16 when we divorced and I regret it. They lost their "home" and having both their parents around every day and night. I feel like they were robbed of their childhood.
My ex and I fought and had a bad relationship, but for the kids' sake, I wish we had made a better effort and kept the family together.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2016): I chose to stay married for twenty years mostly due to fear: fear of being monetarily insecure, fear of potentially raising my son alone, and fear I would not receive the support I would need from my family. I was unhappy because my husband was an alcoholic who didn't think he had a problem. I thought of leaving many times, but was just too afraid, and on a couple of occasions he talked me out of it. So I traded fear of the unknown for a life of hurt, impotent anger and frustration.After my son left the house we did divorce and now hubby has undergone treatment and is sober. I'm not sure I did my son any favours by sticking around in a dysfunctional marriage. I would have to say I mostly regret my decision to stay.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2016): I'm pondering my options. Our 30 year marriage lacks intimacy. We've 'done stuff' exactly twice so far this year. Without intimacy I find our connection slipping away. On the other hand I have no reason to think that anyone else would want me, so maybe for me a handful of times a year is as good as it gets. Plus we've worked very hard and are looking at a pretty comfortable retirement, which will go away if we split.
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A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (8 May 2016):
 I have a family member who stays married even though she is unhappy. She is unhappy because it's a sexless marriage, and her husband is gone 7 months out of the year with work leaving her to raise children. She stays married because of the kids, needs money to live and needs the money to treat her anxiety/depression sulituation. She does regret marrying him but also regrets not divorcing him before children were born. Now says it's all too late.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2016): Why?!Is it the fear of being alone?My brother stayed in an unhappy marriage for fear of being a bad guy and wanting to live up to higher expectations. He had a series of "secret" lovers and I think that right now he may even have another family in a country where he works 6 months a year. That was his way of dealing with unhappy marriage.I am not sure if he regretted it as this way he gets to have it all... or so he thinks.People usually stay in bad marriages for security reasons (emotional, financial...). It's HORRIBLE for children. That much I know.I divorced after 7 years. It WAS HARD (everybody thought we were a "perfect couple"), but I have never regretted it. I would have been in hell had I stayed with him. I was turning into someone I never dreamed I could be. I would end up cheating on him (like my brother) and finding a way to justify it. My second marriage is not perfect BUT we are compatible and work on our problems. I love my husband but that wouldn't be enough in itself. Both partners have to stay motivated and know how to deal with differences.I hope this helps.
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (8 May 2016):
 It all depends on whyWhy do you want to stayandWhy do you want to leaveMost people I have worked with have all mentioned they regret their first divorces, esp when there were children involved.The damage to their children was never worth what they got in exchange.Also, the chances are high that you will make the same mistakes with your next partner (partners) that you made with this one. Changing the person you are with, does not change the issues within you that brought you to choosing someone that you are unhappy with. It could also be that you are just unhappy, no matter who you are with. If the issue is you, then focus on you.-Frank
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (8 May 2016):
 i have been divorced three times and married 4.
my current husband is not pulling his weight and i am very unhappy.
I am not leaving him.
IF I had known what I know now I would have worked harder to stay with the first husband who is the father of my children.
i married at 21 and we separated when I was 29. I am 56 now.
the second one i have no regrets about leaving.
the third one left me because I got thin and he liked fat women.
this one loves me beyond life itself he just is so broken he can't be what i need.
and yet I plan to stay till death do us part.
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