A
male
age
41-50,
*zagza
writes:I've been dating a girl I really like for 3 months now. We decided we want to be exclusive with each other. We're both mid-to late 20's. We get along GREAT, she hasnt been in a r'ship in 3 yrs (because she claims to not have found a guy she wants to settle with) but tells me she likes me more than anyone she's ever met, and has strong feelings for me. Well, here's the one problem. Several yrs back I had to have my thyroid out, and take total replacement hormone to this day. My levels are OK but I still have ups and downs with antibodies which mess with my hormone levels and, in turn, my brain function at times. I'll have no problem getting an erection one nite, then cant maintain one the next. I also take a blood pressure med as a result of the thyroid issue, and it's primary side effect is occasional impotency due to reduction of blood flow and circulation. She turns me on so the issue is not HER whatsoever but I feel like it's hard to convince her that it's all my hormones and has nothing to do with her. Now, I DO satisfy her even if it's not thru sex (she orgasms in a matter of short minutes from oral sex) and tells me I'm the best ever. She also says she enjoys oral sex much more than straight sex because orally is the only way she can have an orgasm. But when it comes to her getting me off, it doesnt always happen, and I'm OK with it, but can tell it bothers her even though I tell her it's OK.The bottom line is, I cant stop taking the thyroid meds and I probably shouldnt stop taking the blood pressure med. It's been recommended I just go on Levitra or Cialis and it will right the wrongs but I hear the side effects of them are brutal.Anyhow, I know you're not doctors here, but my concern is she'll eventually leave me if we continue having some failed attempts in her getting me to orgasm. Now, my question is for the women. If you really like a guy, the relationship is great, and he satisfies YOU sexually but you dont always satisfy him, would you leave the guy because of it? Or would you be content in that he gets you off, and not worry so much about pleasing him at all times if he insists to you that it's OK if you don't?I dont wanna lose this girl. The thought of it makes me sick to my stomach. I'm an attractive, nice guy with a level head and a good job, so I have alot to offer in many ways. How do I convince her that I want to be with her regardless and this issue has nothing do with her? She can merely go online and look up the side-effects of the meds I take and see that I have no control over how my body responds at times. How understanding should a woman be? If you really like a guy, is this something you'd be willing to work through?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, scythe  +, writes (9 September 2008):
 I too have had my thyroid out, and am on thyroxine for the rest of my life. I never realised it might be effecting my moods, emotions and sex life! I must do some research! Anyway, back to your question...
Firstly it sounds like she doesn't believe that the meds are responsible for your erectile problems. Just go to the local chemist and ask for a CMI (info sheet) on both drugs, bring it home and hilight the side effects and give it to her to read! Tell her it is something thats important to you and you'de like her to understand fully.
She should not leave YOU because YOU arent fully satisfied! She is satisfied, and you obviosuly dont mind so whats the problem? I can't see any reason she would leave you over this. Sure she might feel sligtly inadequate if she can't please you all the time, but this is where you step in and reassure her 100% that you are fine with it.
Now that I think about it, I have a similar problem with my boyfriend. I cannot climax through intercourse, and he sometimes has trouble getting me to climax at all, where as he climaxes quite well every time. (Perhaps its the thyroid meds effecting me? the doctors havent got my dose right yet) Sometimes he says he feels inadequate that I'm not orgasming enough, but I'm perfectly honest to him when I say that I don't mind. I don't think he would ever consider leaving me over this.
I think its best if you can sit down and have a mature conversation about this with your partner. Be completely honest and hopefully you guys can see that the other is not bothered by the situation.
Good luck! And message me if you wanna chat more
Nat
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2008): I know you want advice from the ladies, but I can give you advice on the likes of Levitra and Cialis - the side effects are not brutal at all. You might get some facial flushing and a slight headache, but the one good side effect is that you'll get an erection! With Cialis you'll be able to get an erection anything up to 3 or more days after taking it - despite the literature saying it lasts for 36 hours) and it's much gentler and longer lasting than Viagra which tends to be a bit intense. Cialis gives you the time to buy her a bunch of flowers to set the scene and the sex can be more spontaneous than with Viagra, which you take 30 minutes before activity (on an empty stomach)and is more of a rush job wham bam thank you ma'am kind of thing. None of these drugs work very well if you take them straight after a meal.
Did you know that Viagra was initially developed as a drug for high blood pressure? The Welshmen who did the trials on it reported some very interesting side effects as well as a reduction in their blood pressure!
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A
female
reader, supermum  +, writes (8 September 2008):
 NO!!! of course i wouldnt leave.
Look, you sound like a lovely guy, and you obviously care for your partner... talk to her and tell her how you feel... dont forget you dont need to have sex to be close to someone, youll be fine. If she loves you like it sounds like she does, you have nothing to worry about.
Of course, i would be upset if i couldnt get a guy to cum, but if there is a medical reason for it, then thats fine, just reassure her that its great and your having fun
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (8 September 2008):
 Sorry, sometimes she's high and sometimes she's down :-). I know you got it right.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (8 September 2008):
I'm not a lady, but I think I can help you.
You know, many years ago I met this great girl. I would have considered myself the luckiest man on Earth and its surrounding galaxies if she had chosen to be with me. The point is, she had thyroid cancer, and her thyroid had to be removed. She needs to take pills forever as well. I understand she is on a fixed dose of it.
Mother Nature likes to play tricks on people, and, therefore, sometimes she is high and sometimes she is up. One day she's the most lovely woman you can think of, and the day after she's eating like crazy, insulting you, or depressed. She has chosen not to tell her boyfriends that she had cancer and doesn't have her thyroid. Therefore, the guys don't know that this is not her fault, and dump her. They think she's just whimsical and crazy. I think it would do her a lot of good if she were honest about her condition. Some guys would dump her anyways, some others would go an extra mile for her. She's worth it, you know? I will get back to this later, so tie a little knot in your finger for you and I to remember.
Don't play with your health. Both the thyroid and the blood pressure medications are what keep you alive. Remember that.
You defined the problem as whether she would leave you if you please her but she doesn't. Well, a bad statement of the problem leads to wrong solutions. You don't have that problem, man. She does satisfy you, if your body has the whim of letting you maintain an erection that day. She has no trouble pleasing you.
Hidden in your post is the idea that she will dump you if you can't please her with your penis every day. Yes, sexual satisfaction is important, and it might ruin a relationship, but I think we should define what the problem is, here. The real problem is that you can't have an erection every time, not a total impossibility to have an erection. I think you could compensate for this by learning other tricks. She will understand if she loves you, and she won't feel bad if you manage to please her even if it's not with your penis.
If she cares about you, she won't want you to take medications that might bring serious side effects.
Now, untie the knot I told you about. I think you're not your condition. You're a person with that condition. If other aspects of yourself are fine, she will be attracted to those, and will stay with you. If I could have the girl I mentioned, I would go the extra mile. I know she can't control those mood swings.
It's funny that often she complains that her condition makes her eat a lot (sometimes) and she gets fat. She says men won't want her because of that. Actually, her breasts become larger, too :-), so she looks even more attractive.
Wish you the best.
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