A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This extends on from another question.The boy, let's call him Connor again, has been a big crush of mine since 7th year. He first made me realise I had feelings for other guys, he is the definition of perfect, I try each day to think of a fault he has, but i really fail.I just so want to be with him, I feel desperate, and the pain is just too much. I thought it would go away, but over 5 years it has just become stronger, until now, where every waking minute I find myself thinking of him. I don't think it's healthy. When I go to sleep I hold a pillow and pretend its him, when I masturbate, I think of him. I'm pretty sure he is straight, he maybe pacifist, and his voice is fairly high pitch (although it seems to be getting deeper) but I'm pretty sure he is straight. We don't talk much, he is popular, and I am not, but he's friendly, he always says hi to me, and doesn't mind me talknig to him, but the thing is, it's getting the chance to talk to him, he is always with a group of people, its imposible to get him on his own for a chat really. Now, the pain is just becoming unbearable, I've never had an account on facebook, but I created one with his name so as to pretend that I was someone who wanted to add him to his friend list because he had the same name. Now, he's accepted this fake accounts friend request, I can see all his pictures, and I just keep staring at them, theres ones of him on holiday and I get seriously turned on.I know it's not healty to be this obsessed with someone, and I need help getting unobsessed. It's that case of Heart verses Head, my head knows its unlikely we'll be together, and it's wrong to be so obsessed, but my Heart doesn't listen, it makes me want to find out everything about him, I fear I am turning into a stalker.What I really need is help to get my mind off of him, or at least make the pain go away, even as a type that, my brain knows it must be done, but my heart finds the thought of being without Connor unbearable and just leads to more pain.I need help, please, give me whatever advice you can.
View related questions:
crush, facebook, on holiday Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell I got a facebook account with my real name on it, and he's been added and he accepted before I read this. And i can't really delete him as people would ask why I decided to just cut him off my friend list. So it's going to be even harder to get my mind off him.
To ask oldersister, I think what you said was right.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (2 July 2009):
 A place to go for help: http://www.slaauk.org/
Good luck!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI listened to what you said about he represents something to me. And I think he represents everything I hold to be good qualities, like I see him as the perfect person, very interligent, very good at all sports, popular, very good looking, and kind I'm obsessed with him, I'm very inteligent, although not as inteligent as him, not very good at sport, not that popular, and i do get into a lot of arguments as well as not being happy with my own looks. So maybe I see him as complete, perfect, and that's why I am so obsessed. You know the sayimg you want more and more of what you can't have? I'm not good at this psychology stuff, but after listening to you guys advice, I came up with this theory, can you tell me what you think of it?
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (2 July 2009):
Too scared? Of what? That you might actually let go of the obsession? Is it possible that this obsession is a subconscious defense mechanism to deflect the real worry? The real worry being coming out.
Definitely time to see the doctor, I think.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionim too scared to go to a psychiatrist, im too scared about my parents finding out im gay.
I think i might be limerant, it did seem to fit a lot, but i dont know wat to do about it.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (2 July 2009):
What steps have you taken to try to derail this obsessive thinking? Or do you just succumb to it? Has anything else in your life changed? Have there been any upheavals or losses?
This is out of my league, I think. Please read this wikipedia article: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerence
and be very honest with yourself as to the extent this applies to your situation. I think you need to speak to a professional about this, as it is interfering with your everyday life and causing you misery and pain.
The thing about wikipedia is that the information logged there isn't necessarily 100% reliable, so you need to have a discussion with a physican, preferable a psychiatrist. I'm not saying you're crazy at all, I just think you should be evaluated and possibly treated by someone who can prescribe drugs and who has expertise in mental health issues..
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm at school. I don't really have many interests. I quit them as I couldn't really concentrate on them, as I just kept thinking about him.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (1 July 2009):
Are you still in school? Do you work? What other interests (besides Connor) do you have?
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (1 July 2009):
What have you tried so far? Have you talked with anybody about this, a friend, a family member, anyone? When was the last time you saw your doctor?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBut it's getting worse. I want a way for the pain to stop.
...............................
A
female
reader, Starlights +, writes (1 July 2009):
 first of all let me tell u this obsession u have is healthy and normal part of growing up.
as long as ur not stalking the guy and u know that there is no real chance of him ever getting together with u, i dont see the harm in what ur doing.
ur not hurting him with what ur doing, ur just day dreaming.
even mariah carey sang the song "sweet sweet fantasy baby... "
so please dont think your abnormal. concentrate on your studies, have a healthy social life, and dream of him whenever.
good luck!!
...............................
|
