A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello! My question I would like to be answered by both men and women but I would like to know a bit more what the men think as I cannot understand why my boyfriend behaves like this and would like some insight. I text my bf quite a lot, and sometimes I text that I love him and he does not always text back or respond.Mostly he does text back but sometimes I feel quite affended and hurt when he does not text back, particulalrly when i tell him I love him! He says that I text him too much and actually this might be true as I went 140 over my text credit this month!Should I be worried that he does not always text back, particularly if I am sending him loving stuff? It took him ages to say ‘I love you’ but he does say it to me. I know he finds that stuff harder then me, I am more open with my emotions maybe too open. I also worry a lot. He is more independent than I and he likes to have space at times. Is this ‘not texting back’ thing just a symptom of him needing space at times and being ‘in his cave’ or should I be worried? I get horribly insecure when he does not text back. I feel so pathetic saying this. I have an obsessive nature when it comes to relationships and expect the worse. I find it difficult to just relax and not make a big deal about him not texting back. Is it rude him not texting back or am I being immature?I’m confused. Help!
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2011): I would say if he hasn't texted back to a loving text message providing you don't send them to him ten times a day I would ignore his texts also and give him a taste of his own medicine.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2011): I think textn is a girl thing. I know, I feel exactly the same when I text my boyfriend. He sometimes takes 2 or 3 hours to text back or he texts me and then takes an hour to text back. I really enjoy texting a lot but my bf doesnt text a lot. So I usually waits till he texts me first! It does wind me up when he takes ages to respond.
I would just slow down on this as he has told you hes not into textn and you text him too much.
I wouldnt be worrried by it all, if he tells you he loves you, to you, then why worry.
Just relax it all sounds good.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2011): Okay Cindy, I'll try and take that onboard! Thanks for your honesty.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (11 March 2011):
 Leave the dude alone ! He told you you text him too much . You admit that you text him too much. I am telling you you text him too much. You text him too much !
You know why he is not always so keen or fast in answering you back ? Because he knows or perceives at some level that all this "I love you"s have much less to do with love and much more with your anxiety and your need for constant reassurance.
" I love you " "Love you too "----ahhhhh. Feels good. Endorphines all over . Calm and fuzzy feeling.
"I love you " ...... What ? No answer ? Feels baaad. Need ego stroke. Need anxiety relief. Need pacifier for neurotic insecurity, need it now !
Relax. You get along, you know he loves you, all is cool. Expressing your love is great but if becomes so compulsive ... then it's more a mild OCD than an expression of feelings.
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A
female
reader, yomama65  +, writes (11 March 2011):
 Hi! I was recently involved with a similar fella and his lack of response hurt my feelings too. However, some guys really just don't like to text, especially to say something as intimate as "I love you." Perhaps he would rather tell you in person. One thing I have learned the hard way, however, is that alot of guys do NOT like being texted or called alot, because they DO sometimes need their space. They may also perceive you as "needy" or a "stalker." I am curious as to how long you have been involved with your boyfriend. If it's a new relationship, you may want to "cool your jets" with the constant texting because it may scare him off. The best thing you can do, however is communicate with him openly and honestly how you are feeling. If he really loves you, he will try to find a way to reassure you that he does love you and may be open to finding a way to ease your concerns. If he is not as "into" you, he may shut down or get defensive or just not care. In that case, you may want to re-evaluate whether this relationship will work for you. Believe me, I feel for ya on the obsession thing. It's very painful. But, if you can, try to take your mind off of him by focusing on other parts of your life. For me, spending time with friends or doing an activity I really enjoy, keeps me focused on ME and really does reduce that uncomfortable feeling. Most guys dig women who are confident, secure and independent. For some of us, that is a real struggle, but it's a very worthwhile struggle for YOU in the long run! Take care and best of luck!
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