A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello,Ok, so I have been dating my boyfriend for 9 months now. Everything is going great so far. He is a lovely man, and I absolutely adore him. We get along really well and have lots of fun together. He tells me he loves me everyday and has said he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. I completely feel the same and love him with all my heart. However, there is just one little problem. I keep worrying he's going to leave me even though he has given me no reason to think so. I honestly dont know where this is coming from. I have never been abandoned by anyone and he is my very first boyfriend so I know it's not coming from any previous relationships. I have plenty of interests/hobbies and love spending time outdoors, so I know it can't be because I have too much spare time. I just have no clue how to deal with this. It's driving me crazy. I constantly feel as though he's going to get tired of me and leave me for someone else. I haven't discussed this with my boyfriend, even though I know he would be very understanding and supportive, because I don't want him to think I'm needy or desperate. I'm afraid that would only drive him away in the long run. So, I suffer in silence. I have no idea how to fix these horrible thoughts I have or what to do. Does anyone have any suggestions? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2010): Hi again,
Thanks to all for the replies. :) After much thought, I have realized where my insecurities are coming from, (which is another post entirely) but at least that's a start.
To anonymous female... we have discussed our future, but for some reason he never wants to be married. I asked him why but he can't really give me answer, so I dropped the subject and haven't brought it up since.
I agree with you 100%, though. I would feel much more secure also if he at least wanted to get married someday. I too feel like he may just be dating me for the moment. I mean, I know we wouldn't be able to get married right away, but maybe 3-5 years down the road would be nice. But he doesn't want to do that.
Anyway, thanks again for all the replies. Best wishes to you all!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2010): Hello,
I don't know if I have any suggestions because I am going through the same feelings myself (at least you'll know you are not alone). But I can tell you that your situation seems more secure than mine. At least he tells you he wants to be with you in the future. Mine never talks about the future.
Does he ever talk about getting married? I don't know if you feel that way, but I would feel much more secure if my bf at least talked about getting married--or even living together. Because he doesn't, I feel I'm just someone he's dating for the moment.
Maybe you could ask him how he sees your relationship in the future.
Good luck to you--I wish you the best!!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2010): Sad to say, I feel the same way, often. It sounds like you're in a really good relationship. I'm engaged, and have been for a while, and still I fear that my fiance will leave me. You just have to try to psych yourself out and say he loves you as much as you love him. Good luck, honey.
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A
female
reader, gizzymylove +, writes (15 June 2010):
 Ok soo this was so normal for me it's just your way of preparing yourself if that ever happens but the twist is you can have a great relationship with him and that may never happens or if it did then that means you just lost a boyfriend but gained a new best friend becaues true love never goes away so chill out and have fun.
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A
female
reader, karenival +, writes (15 June 2010):
i feel the same way often. for me, i've found it to be inadequacy issues. i don't feel like i'm up to his standards. we're also very good, but maybe we're too good. living in my body, i constantly see my flaws, whereas i don't often see his. he admits to being wrong more than i see wrongness in him. on the other hand, i feel wrong more often than i actually need to feel so. not necessarily wrong, but "less than" perfect, thus a reason for him leaving.
try to break down what you think his reasoning is to leaving you. also, discussing it with him might help figure out why you feel this way, too.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2010): Well... keep it up and one day he'll get sick of your insecurity and you'll make it true. Seriously, go get some assistance in working this out. Sounds like he really loves you and for some reason you can't accept that. A good therapist can help you get to the bottom of this quickly. From there, the time line is in your hands... work hard, and soon this will be history. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, busy04 +, writes (15 June 2010):
 Okay let's breathe together...ready? Go! *inhale, exhale*
Sweetheart you've gotta relax! I do understand how you feel to a certain point. But also, you've got to understand that you need to ENJOY the relationship, not run through with being worried. The time spent thinking about all those things when there isn't need can seriously take away from the time that you should just be thankful that you have a good man in your life to care for.
I do think that you need to tell your boyfriend how you're feeling. Let him reassure again. And after that's done, be confident in who you are to him & what you do for him. Be careful not to let thoughts turn into jealousies & over dependence. You don't want to ruin the trust you have for him over nothing.
Just relax, calm down, have peace & enjoy your love.
Good luck to ya!
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