A
female
age
36-40,
*mtgirl
writes:I feel i am obsessed with my husbands ex. we have been together 8yrs and recently got married but literaly since day one she has been in our relationship trying to destroy it. we were on again off again with our relationship for a while and in those times he tried or was thinking very seriously about getting back with her. then 1 1/2 yr ago when we were split up for a couple of weeks they slept together for about a week. he lied to me about it for a while but finally came clean after me bugging him enough about it. it took me a long time to get that out of my head but i cant seem to make her go away. she has been married for several years to her husband and has 3 kids yet she keeps getting closer and closer to me and my family. whether its going horseback riding or swimming. they drive 35 minutes out of their way to come to my town just to swim when they have several beaches where they live. she is on my facebook but only because i didnt recognize her last name when she friended me and now its hard to delete her because i feel if i do i cant keep track of her and how close she's getting. but it feels like a competition every time ive tried to be nice to her she's "nice" back but its always taking a shot at me in a "nice" way. then we live in a small town and she lives in another small town about 30 min away and somehow we are always running into her. sometimes i wish she would disapear! i just feel like i cant trust my husband anywhere near her and i know i cant trust her because of all of the stuff she's pulled so far. she's threated to come to school when i was in the 10th grade and shoot me. i mean she's tried everything to scare me away form him. you would think if it hasnt worked yet that its not gonna but even on facebook when i make my pic on there to one of me and my husband she changes hers to one of her and her husbands. i just feel like i cannot forget about her and her past with my husband no matter how hard i try and i always find myself comparing myself to her. my confidence is so screwed up. she was my husbands first love and first fiance so i know there will always be something there but its literally driving me nuts wondering about things and comparing myself all the time. i was even thinking about getting hypnotized to try and forget about her i just dont know what to do anymore. i dont want to uproot my family just bc of some girl that wants to cause probs with me but sometimes i feel like that might be the only way to keep my sanity.
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confidence, facebook, fiance, her past, split up Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2011): I can totally relate to this. And because I'm-older and living in a much longer marriage, I can tell you ,that this things makes a marriage very strange. Same story first love got obsessed, and never giving up. Its like a madness. She lives very far and have children, but she makes it clear time to time ,that she is still there. I think she is sitting silently in the back of my husband's subconscious and causing for him a lots of confusion/.....Sometimes in life, I felt I was just a ''double''/ like just a substitute. Many ways , I felt her dark presence, and I still do. Its almost like a karmic effect. I think ,I was never suppose to go with my husband , when I realized she was literally possessed with jealousy.. I think, she never have a day even far far away, when she is not wishing me dead. Well, I might can't give you a positive advice here, but I would really try to get to the bottom of this, and see, what is real, what is just in your head, in this story. Because distance, and years are not the solution. There is a lots of possible-damage, on your life, if it stays unresolved. Please take care!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2011): Sorry to be blunt, but this has gotten to the point where you're the one making this a problem, not her. Step one? Block her on facebook. There's no need to spy on her. Don't deny it - every time you change your picture, she does too? Step two, talk to hubby. There's enough bad blood here that this is a major problem. You don't trust him now. Is he aware of this? Does he give you reason to not trust him? Sit him down and tell him everything. Step three take a vacation. Or move. Get away from her, distance yourself from the problem. Try and look at things in perspective.
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A
female
reader, itzy.21 +, writes (14 June 2011):
 okay, well i suggest first of all you have a private talk to your husband, if he either wants to be with you or her & if he chooses you well, talkto him about putting charges on her so she wont try destroying your relationship. i believe shes jealous or is obsessed with your husband. hopefully you stay with him, & if u think his done to much to u then i suggest u move on even though it will be reall hard but for now try talking to your husband about putting orders with the cops.. it should help. if not move very far away without her knowing...
goodluck
-itzy.21
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A
female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (14 June 2011):
 'she was my husbands first love and first fiance so i know there will always be something there' sorry but you are wrong - just cause someone has a first love it really doesn't mean they always have a special place in the heart, especially if the person has done bad things, and i think that her threatening to shoot you comes under the title of 'bad things'
you have a trust issue with your husband which needs addressing no matter what. block her on facebook, she is only there to spy on you. AVOID HER - if she turns up were you are swimming or horseriding -LEAVE! she will soon get the message. your husband needs to understand that she is toxic to your marriage, so he needs to go with you in the 100% avoidance thing
x
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