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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: my mom and dad r very nice people,bt they look at everything from different angle.so i hav been watching them fighting all my life.now i hav developed a kind of fear about marriage.everytime i remember that one day i will hav to marry,i feel like a trapped animal.everytime i think my husband will touch me,kiss me and etc, i feel repulsion.what am i going to do? Plz somebody give me some sugestion
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female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (24 December 2010):
 My parents divorced when I was 12 and had years of unhappiness before that. What I learned by watching, was how sometimes the man is wrong and sometimes the woman is wrong. Like Mr Anon, I learnt what didn't work, and made up my mind to behave differently to bring love and happiness into my relationships.
Yes, you don't have to get married. Being single and happy by choice is also a wonderful life.
Also, yes your parents may argue over differences, but this doesn't mean they are not in love or not happy. Many couples find arguing and fighting exciting and they like to make up and apologise behind the privacy of the bedroom door.
Fighting and arguing doesn't always mean there is no love, it may mean your parents are strong willed people.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2010): I'm the opposite - my parents have a good marriage while I'm in a messed up one.
I grew up with a high ideal of marriage because my parents have a good marriage. When my husband displayed very early on destructive behaviors and disrespect and disregard and our relationship became toxic, I was extremely distressed because this is completely offended my senses of how marriage should be.... I should have left rather than let my husband emotionally abuse me and run me down, but still I held on because I thought that by holding on and staying married is how you demonstrate commitment and that it will all pay off in the end. Boy was I wrong. I'm now seriously thinking of divorcing after 11 years of marriage.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2010): My marriage is not like that of my parents, because I specifically work to make sure that it doesn't end up like that.
I told myself, and kept my word to myself, that I'd never treat a spouse like they treated each other and never let a spouse treat me like they treated each other.
It takes hard work and dedication to and ideal, and that is not always immediately rewarded by the other spouse, both spouses have to remain dedicated.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWow,to be honest i am totally a newcomer for such a website,and i had no idea that it's such a nice place. When i asked the question i thought may be nobody will answere me,bt i was wrong,and all the answeres are so so encouraging.i hope i was wrong about marriage,too. . .many many thnx to all who have answered me. .
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2010): It's understandable that you will feel this way, but just know that NOT all marriages are like your parents'. Do you have other role models of marriage that are more positive - grandparents, aunts/uncles, cousins, siblings, or friends?"..one day i will hav to marry,i feel like a trapped animal."Also realize that you do not "have" to get married. Marriage is a choice and it should be made with the utmost seriousness. Too many people get married without thinking if it's the right thing for them or the right partner, because of this attitude that they "have" to marry. The result is often a difficult and draining marriage. This could be the reason your parents have the kind of marriage they do.So, a way to avoid making the same mistakes as your parents is to (a) realize that not all relationships are destined to be like theirs and (b) realize that marriage is a free choice, you do not "have" to get married at least not at that time or to that person. If it doesn't feel right, if the partner doesn't feel right, if you have second thoughts, then the marriage will not be right for you and if you go ahead and marry despite these nagging doubts you may end up like your parents.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (22 December 2010):
If you argue with a friend, do you expect never to have a friend again? Your young and so you still think like a child. When you are older you will fall in love and you won't worry about stuff like this.Why would you choose a man you hate and then marry them? That's not what happens. We fall in love and we want to be with a person until we die. You have never been in love and therefore you imagine you will have problems that might never occur.There are billions and billions of people on the planet. Billions of married people, happily married people. Why should you be one of the unhappily married.If you allow yourself to be frightened of things that might never happen, you will ruin your life. You will throw away love and you will reject a good man and will stay unhappy and lonely.Is that better than being happily married.Stop running away with your future. You don't know what will happen yet. Read about good marriages, learn how to make yourself and a man happy, and when the time comes, you will have less problems.Not all marriages are unhappy, they become so when the people are badly suited or do not know how to communicate properly. Choose a good husband and treat him the way you want to be treated and you give yourself a very good chance at happiness.
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A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (21 December 2010):
 Marriage doesn't always end the way your parents marriage has been. The problem in marriage is where either person expect the other to make them happy or to be the same as they are. You don't get married for the similarities, but to respect the differences. You don't get married to expect your partner to fill a void in themselves, but to bring who you are into it. Your parents fight because they expect from the other, instead of sharing themselves with the other. It's really easy to get into that rut, and the outcome is what you have been seeing.
Marriage can be a beautiful union. If you find the right guy, you'll experience that beauty.
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