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female
,
anonymous
writes: My boyfriend and I recently moved in together after being apart for a year. He lived in New Zealand and I live in Canada. He moved here to be with me. Our relationship is great. He is very affectionate. He gives me little kisses or cuddles me and gets up to get me stuff when I dont even ask him to. The only problem is that we don't have sex. When we were dating before he moved back to NZ (we lived about an hour away from eachother, he was spending a year in Canada) we would only see each other every weekend. We had sex most weekends but then we would sometimes go a couple weekends without sex.When he moved back to NZ we would talk everyday and he would tell me how much he wanted me and the things he wanted to do to me when we were together again. Since he has been back we have only had sex about 8 times (he's been here 3 months).He says he's not a very sexual person and he doesn't feel the need for sex. He says that he wants me all the time and finds me attractive. I asked him why he doesn't want to have sex with me and he said that it's not me he doesn't want to have sex with anyone. I am a sexual person and need that contact. It's another form of love to me. I try and innitiate sex all the time but he will just give me a kiss and ask me to stop. I know he feels bad when he does it. When we do have sex it's great. The last two times have just been about him but I didn't care because I was finally getting the closeness I needed. Today I even went to him wearing a sexy outfit and he just cuddled with me after making out for a while. He doesn't have equipment problems either but when he's turned on he will finish himself insted of sleeping with me. I am willing to do all the work, so it's not that. He's not gay and he's not cheating on me cause he doesn't know many people in the city. I am trying to be supportive but it makes me feel unattractive and not wanted. I feel like his really good 'friend' not his girlfrind. He wants to marry me someday but I want us to get past this or at least find a happy medium. I love him and want to make it work. He cant go to a doctor cause he isnt a Canadian citizen yet and he doesnt have insurance. I want to help him and our relationship. Please Help! :o(
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2006): I would definately not worry about it, my husband did exactly the same thing when we moved in together and I got very upset and thought there was something wrong with me and wrote on here for help!!.But at the end of the day my partner isnt as sexual as I am, he is quite happy going to bed to sleep of all things! lol.But seriuosly he sounds like he treats you good and he does seem to love you very much, so if it is upsetting you talk to him about it and let him know how you really feel. Men are rubbish at piccking up on these things, its best to just come out with it. And explain to him that the only way to increase his labido is to have sex more often!, trust me its no longer a problem with me and my husband!!.Hope I've helped.xx
A
female
reader, Toria +, writes (22 October 2006):
 It could just be that now your together most the time and the relationship is settled he can start relaxing and not making sure he sleeps with you everytime he sees you, I wouldn't think there is anything to worry about.
Try doing things you use to do together to turn him on try spicing things up abit and see how you get on with that.
If he still doesn't seem to want to have sex you've got to try talking to him about this and explain to him how you are feeling and see if you can get to the bottom of why he has gone off sex.
Good luck :o)
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A
female
reader, lindsayg +, writes (22 October 2006):
 Dont worry about this. i was in the same situation. Girls seem to become more sexual getting older and men seem to only have strong sex drive when they are younger. and only seeing eachother every weekend, that 5 days you dont see eachother make a WHOLE difference. I moved in with my boyfriend and our sex went down to about once a week of every other week, it's normal, my bf will go to the bathroom with a playboy and wont want to have sex just masterbate. sex drive will pick up , but when you see eachother everyday you get used to not having sex all the time. Try fore-play or oral sex with him and you might see a spike in the sex drive. best wishes, and dont worry.you can also express your "sex" love with eachother in other ways. xoxo
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2006): hey there,I think in your situation you should sit down with your bf and have a talk about this issue. Ask him why he doesn't want to have sex? Tell him that you want to do it with him more often because you love him and that sex is a way of communicating that love with him.If you think about it, when you guys were still living apart from each other you guys would only see each other once a week and beacuse you guys don't see each other often you will miss each other and so the sex drive is really great. However, now that you guys are living toegether you see each other every day, you don't miss each other as much because you see each other all the time and this slowly leads some guys into getting bored and their sex drive becomes less and less. I'm pretty sure that your bf is healthy and doesn't have any equipment problem. It's just that when guys spend every day, every moment together with someone, they tend to get turned on less, and because of this they sometimes find it hard to make their equipment go hard.Im sure he loves you very much, andthathe wants to be with you forever, but sometimes the passion in relationships tend to depreciate after a while.I would suggest you think about the first time you guys made out, think about what you did that turned him on and do that again.
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