A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I could really do with some help on this one. Sorry if it's long.About 5 years ago I had a year long relationship with a man. We met on a night out, instantly hit it off and were together for a year. I've never met anyone who made my heart race like he did, he was gorgeous, a genuinely nice person and our personalities just clicked and we got on better than I've ever gotton on with anyone. For the year it lasted, it was a very intense relationship. After 8 months he had to move 100 miles away with work and we were only able to see each other once a week. He became good friends with a girl at work and I got jealous. I hated the fact he spent a lot of time with this woman and had trouble believing their relationship was purely platonic (I now realise it was only friendship and I was silly for thinking otherwise) but at the time I was so wrapped up in him and hated that he'd moved away that I think I took it out on him. Anyway my jealousy lead to the end of our relationship. 3 years passed and we had no contact and I got into a very loving relationship which I'm still in now.About a year ago I randomly had a call from a private number which turned out to be my ex. He said he missed having me in his life and would like it if we could be friends. I felt the same and so we've been friends since. We speak a couple of times a week and about every 3 months we meet up, have lunch and either go for a walk or just somewhere we can chat and catch up. He too is with someone who he seems to think the world of.The only problem is, I think I still love him. I haven't, and wouldn't dream of telling him this, but every time we speak my heart races and the butterflies come back. We still have the same chemistry we did before. If I look at my Phone and have a text from both him and my partner I'll reply to him first.I really don't want to cut contact as I love being back in touch with him and I would rather have him as a friend than not at all, but it's a constant battle with myself. Especially when he shows me pictures of him and his girlfriend on holiday or on days out, I get insanely jealous when I know I shouldn't be but I have no control over it. I really don't know what to do.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2014): I agree things happen for a reason, and the grass always does seem that little but greener? But sweetie it's just grass..Your living in this fantasy of what could have been? When the reality was it couldn't .. Chemistry n heart flutters are all good, but when they eat at your soul you can never be happy .. Your judging your relationship that you have now on a fantasy?? I think that's very insulting.. How would you feel if you discovered that your boyfriend was doing the same as you.. Hurt.. Angry.. Mega upset .. These are things your doing to him on the pretence that this guy is just a friend .Here my advice ( though I do agree with wise owl too) take a step back stop calling him or taking calls three times aweek, explain to him if you feel you must that your past with him is clouding your judgement of your relationship you need time out ..This will do one of two things : he will admit he feels the same .. Or he will close this door as to save his relationship . Then virgourously with feeling put some effort into your relationship with your bf .. If say 6 months from now you still feel the same ( I mean you waited 3 years what's another 6 months) you still can't get him out your head etc . Then break from your boyfriend.. Get your own place . Move in with your parents etc . Be free to start a new whether it's with this guy or another .What your doing isn't right .. Your loving guy deserve better than your giving him, so make the effort .. If it doesn't work then you did your best but at the minute your just giving him dregs (And I don't Interpret him contacting you as more as I think that's what you think ) But here the kicker : you might find that what you thought you wanted, you didn't really .. And what you had is now gone .Be careful for what you wish for : Take care
A
male
reader, Gauntlet  +, writes (3 February 2014):
 Like WiseOwlE, I think your heading for a general fiasco. As says the old proverb: a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.
You'd better forget this man as he will never be yours again, and focus totally on your man you don't want to be hurt by you anyway, am I right ?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2014): hunny this is gonna sound hard, but u need to move on. the past is the past. you broke up for a reason. stick with it. besides imagine how your current boyfriend would be feeling if he found out that you were still in to your ex. it's a good thing you and ur ex are friends. it's kinda like a big thing to do. dont lose the friendship
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2014): You flirting with disaster. Jealousy broke you up the first time. Now you're with someone else and emotionally cheating with your ex. Pretending you're in an exclusive relationship; while carrying on a make-believe friendship with your ex. You have ulterior motives.
This will implode.
You are jealous of his current girlfriend; and your jealous nature hasn't changed. She will discover what you're up to, and hopefully she will see you out of her boyfriend's life, if she's smart. You're bringing trouble to her relationship, and betraying the trust of the one who cares for you.
You say you haven't told him anything. Actions speak louder than words. I hope your boyfriend figures you out.
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