A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: My boyfriend and I tried to have sex together for the first time over two months ago. Everything was going good until his roommate came home then he started acting nervous, but we continued to try. When he put the condom on he went limp. I gave him oral and put one on him a second time and he went limp again. He said it was because his roommate was home so we arranged a time to try again when his roommate was at work. I went over to his house when his roommate was at work and he told me that the reason he went limp was because of the condom. Ever since then he won’t hardly touch me. I got female condoms but he still wasn’t interested in sex. He isn’t very experienced in sex and anytime I try to talk to him about it all he says is “sex is a want you don’t have to have it”. I don’t want him to feel like I’m pushing him into anything or nagging him about it. I just want to find out what the issue is and try to help him. I really like this guy and I’m ready to take things to the next level, but he is making me feel unattractive and more like his friend than his girlfriend... I don’t know what to do…
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at work, condom, limp, roommate Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2011): He's got a mental block! It can happen. He is so traumatised by what happened that he can't relax and enjoy the experience because he's stressed it will happen again and that just makes it worse.
Most guys wake up with an erection so jump on him then. Or tell him you don't want sex and just want to fool around. Once you get it right a couple of times he'll stop stressing and it will be fine.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your answers. They are very helpful!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2011): Stop feeling unattractive it's nothing to do with you. As a guy I can tell you not being able to perform is one of the most crushing experiences for a man and it's something that can completely destroy a guy's confidence if he's inexperienced.
The best way to deal with performance anxiety is to not build it up. Don't make any plans to have sex, don't set this up because it's then in the back of his mind and he'll just worry. Don't bring this up in conversation or anything like that. The next opportunity you have to be alone don't make any overt hints at getting sexual just start kissing and fondling, build up slowly then just give him head or something like that and get head from him, give him instructions on how you like to be touched down there and show him how to pleasure you orally and manually. Once he knows he can do that it takes a hell of a lot of pressure of a guy.
Alternately just have him lay back and kiss him all over then slip a condom on him sneakily and quickly and just mount him.
A good trick is for you to learn how to slip on a condom really quickly. Get a few and practice putting them on a banana but practice in a position to where his penis is most likely to be in relation to your own body. If you can do that really quickly before he has time to even think about what's happening you can have him enter you before his mind has a chance to worry about it. Once it's in it's plain sailing after that, just make sure he can see and feel that it's working, that you're getting pleasure.
FYI: While it's possible, it's very unlikely that wearing a condom is the issue. He's just using that as an excuse. Don't have sex without a condom.
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A
female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (15 April 2011):
 Yup, sounds like a massive anxiety attack. Don't apply any pressure, don't 'Plan' the next time you have sex. Just pounce on him sometime when he doesn't expect it.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (15 April 2011):
 He's having a massive anxiety attack. Men are very performance oriented, and episodes where his equipment "failed" are close to being traumatic.
Give him some patience and love, and his sexual desire will eventually overcome his anxiety. When this happens, give him a totally loving environment where he feels no pressure to perform.
Yes, he needs the condom though. Don't give in and go unprotected. Regardless of his anxiety and discomfort, they are not worth you getting pregnant! He may have been a virgin now, but that won't always be the case.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2011): Oh man his confidence is shot. First, he feels bad he went limp and now im fairly certain he feels he cant satisfy you because he feels he, yes, "let you down". He's gonna need some positive feedback from you about his strengths in the bedroom and tell him what you like and what you miss. Yes, dont pressure him as that will create anxiety and more nervousness to perform and being inexperienced that makes it harder for the guy so ease back into sex if he's comfortable. Good luck.
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