A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and a few months now. The time span seems to be short and new yet so many things have happened already. Infidelity (on both parts), hitting (I will explain this further), and just disrespectful ways that couples shouldn't be doing to each other.When we first started dating, I just got out of a relationship with I was happy to be out of. I met him at work and sparks flew. He is known to be a womanizer at work but I did not get that vibe from him when we started talking (Im sure a woman would know if a guy is just trying to get in her pants). After our first date, I asked him where do I stand with him. He responded by saying that he is not going to push me into a relationship as of yet because I just got out of one and that he respects me therefore we will take our time. I took it that we are in the dating stage meaning we can date other people.I never dated other people however entertained a few men that were interested in me. But I was so into him that I never tried pursuing anything with the others. One day, he was not in a good mood and I sensed that I was being annoying with him and in the end he called me names. I was completely turned off and was so hurt that I slept with another man just to forget about him. The next day he apologized and we made up.2 months down the road, he found out about the other guy. He was really upset. After letting him vent out on me, he forgave me for it but still held that against me for the next few months.He started cheating on me a month after he found out about the other guy. One thing's for sure, he never slept with these women. He flirted, called, and probably met with them. When I found out about the first incident, I flipped out on him and that's when the hitting started.Through the entire duration of the relationship, he hit me four times. Eventually, he stopped as he realized that this is not how he should be treating the woman that he really loves. However the flirting with other women did not stop.Today, he changed a lot. He is slowly becoming the man that I wanted him to be. I've provoked him to turn into his "old self" but he has the mentality right now that he's scared that I might leave him (after all the f*ckery he had to put me through).My greatest challenge is this, I am still angry about the past. I consider it as "my devil" as it really triggers me to treat him bad nowadays. In the end, I realize that I was being unreasonable and that I always promise him that I will try to make this relationship work but whenever I get triggered again I become worse.I hate being like this. This is not me. I want to be the best woman for him. But the devil in me seems to get a hold of my emotions. I say things that I shouldnt be saying, I always try to break up with him, I even make him cry all the time now (trust me, with a guy like him, he's not the crying type for women).I really want this to work with him as the relationship is at its point where we are really madly and truly inlove with each other. Can u please help me? I really and truly want to be able to move on from the past and just focus on making him happy.
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at work, flirt, infidelity, move on, spark, womaniser Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, QuirkLady  +, writes (6 June 2009):
 Y'all need relationship counseling, badly. You are both inflicting pain on each other in a cycle and you need to break out of it.
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