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age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: okay, my husband starting working out again but only after I got some diet pills to loose weight. It really bugs me that he has lost more weight than me and built more muscle. He has always been on the thicker side since we got married and I loved that about him. I told him I hate the way his looks now. I made him wear a short during sex because I hate his skinny figure. I can't help but be turned off by him. I don't want him to touch me! What do I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2010): Thanks for the update, it clarifies things. He is not healthy right now, you are right, but as long as he stops the extreme dieting at one point and goes over to a normal healthy food plan that will make him stay the desirable weight, he can still be healthy. I am still thinking that when it comes to intimacy, you have made his body into a symbol of everything that is wrong in the relationship. This isn't deep psychoanalysis, everything that you list as wrong is linked to his current body. How he wont listen to you, how he doesn't care for your opinion, how he doesn't want to go to the gym with you, how he isn't healthy.
Ask yourself this question: just his body alone, is it unattractive in itself? If everything was great in your relationship and he'd always looked like that, would his body have been an issue?
These questions can help you localize the source for the problems. That perhaps it's not his body that is turning you off, it's his eating habits, or it's him not being around so much (you said he wont join you to the gym, perhaps there are other areas were you two do separate activities and you feel lonely). What I am saying is that unless you are positive it's the body type he now has that is the source of your problems in the bed-section, it's time to re-evaluate the situation and dig down to the real issues.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOkay I think I need to clarify a little.... My husband is not being healthy about this loosing weight thing. He is taking diet pills only drinks shakes and barely any food. I am going to the gym and have been before he was. I have asked him why we can't go together he never gives me a real answer other than finding a sitter. I do love him I only said I can not be turned on by him. I married him for different reasons. I want him to be healthy. But he is not right now! we have always talked about these things before and compromised on what would make us both happy but he doesn't even care about my opinion! Over the last 4 years I realized I need him to care about my feelings the way I do about his. I know this is what he wants so I don't criticize I simply ignore it,yet when it comes to intimacy I can't cope?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2010): You should be happy and proud of what he's done. You've taken the lazy way out by getting diet pills instead of getting active like your husband. No wonder he's done better than you on the weight loss. I just think you are a bit jealous really. You're negativity will probably drive him away soon anyway so you won't need to worry about it.
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female
reader, blueyedgirl  +, writes (17 February 2010):
 Your husband has tried to better himself, and all you can do is complain? I have an acquaintance whose husband is very large , but any time she says anything about him losing weight he just eats more. She isn’t saying it because of his look, she is worried about his health. Your husband cares enough to try to take care of his self, by losing weight he has lowered his risk of heart attack, high blood pressure, and many other medical problems. So instead of criticizing him, why don’t you join him when he works out? Turn what could be a dividing point in your marriage into a special thing that the two of you do together. If he isn’t interested in doing it together, then do it on your own, join a fitness club or a gym if you need to. Find a friend to do it with…I can almost promise you that he will find you much sexier, and when you feel sexy you will probably find him more sexy. You may always miss the “old” him, but don’t let that stop you from loving the “new” him. Lot of Luck, now go hit the gym!!! :-)
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male
reader, Illithid +, writes (17 February 2010):
 Funny how that always happens, huh? People who marry thin spouses lose interest when weight gains with age turn that sexy twenty something into a doughy fifty year old. For you, it's exactly the opposite, but still the same effect.
You're not alone. I nearly married a girl that lost interest in me when I dropped from 250 to 220. It's a shame that losing weight, working on building better health and muscle tone, taking care of oneself can be a turn off, but we love who we love and we're attracted to the look that we're attracted to.
All I can say is that you still love him, still love all the things he does, how he talks to you, who he is inside. Try to get used to his new look and focus on WHO he is? See if you can get turned on by that sexy brain of his?
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (17 February 2010):
 I guess you truly are really bugged that he's lost more weight than you have. I suggest you try to grow up and gain a little maturity here. You are making a mountain out of a mole hill.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2010): So if you are turned off by him getting all slim, how do you plan on being with him when he is old, and I mean really old, with a bald head, and drooling, with no teeth????
I think you dont love him as much as you say you do.
How would you feel if he said that he didnt love you because you were too skinny???
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2010): Be happy your man is healthy! People's bodies change and you knew that when you entered marriage with him. If you werent prepared to love him no matter what, then maybe you went into marriage for the wrong reasons. You have to learn to accept this. He doesnt have the physique he had when you married him, and while so many people on here complain about how their partners bodies have changed, it only comes down to this: peoples bodies DO change, and there is nothing you can do about it! If you aren't ready to accept that then I seriously wonder what you thought marriage would be like. Will you hate his body when he grows old and wrinkly too? I bet you you will, because you seem to have a hard time accepting the changes already now.
Why did you marry him? Do you love him? Is it not the most important that he stays the one he is personality wise, and that the two of you love one another? You really sound picky, like you will only love him if he's of this or that size. He's done something great to himself and you should be happy for him and love him all the same.
Perhaps the true problem lies in you being jealous about him loosing more weight than you?
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