A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hey, i need some advice, i had a baby 4weeks ago, my partner already has a child and i was worried about him saying "your doing this wrong" but instead its everyone else and im feeling mega depressed and a failure. i had to have a c-section and my baby was full of mucus, i was lucky to feed him 10ml every 4hours, he just wouldnt wake up or feed. before i got discharged from the midwife, i had a different midwife each time they came. they all told me different things, one midwife said feed my baby every 4 hours, one said 3hours, another 5hours. hes started to drink more now, on the baby milk we are using it says as guidelines for 4-8weeks he should be feeding 150ml every 5hours which he is doing. the problem is he isnt sleeping during the day and always crying, nothing stops him from crying, cuddles work but he still doesnt sleep. hes fine during the night though. my mum came yesterday and had a go at me for forcing my baby to eat saying i should wait until he cries, even if its 6hours plus, when telling her about my problem she just says he'll settle down. i asked mumsnet, they say im under feeding him, i should be feeding him every 90mins-3hours and when ever he cries give him a bottle, this would be impossible as he takes an hour to drink a bottle so once he finished one bottle id have to start the next plus id get no sleep! hes gaining loads of weight but im being told different things and being made to feel like a bad mum, i feel like a failure and getting really stressed and depressed, help!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2010): Hi, it sounds like your a great mom. Your baby is gaining weight and worry is normal. Talk to your partner and get reassurance from him. It sounds like you have the perfect package. Forget what everyone else says. You have the mothering instinct for your own child and you obviously care so much. Try doing things to destress yourself and talk to your partner about it. I won't tell you how I did it but I'm gathering you may guess. Just think of the crying after you have done all your checks as cuddle time. And when you get stressed asked your partner to take over while you destress yourself. Hope I help x
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (17 February 2010):
 Which of the midwives did you like the best? Call HER and ask her.
There are many reasons to why he is acting the way he is:
1. Allergy to the formula
2. Hungry
3. Gassy
4. Picking up on YOUR anxiety.
I would suggest you call the midwife you felt the best connection with and ask her. See if you can schedule for HER to come see you or the other way around.
Don't forget not all babies are alike, they don't all eat the same amount, like the same flavors, sleep the same.
As a rule of thumb babies have VERY few basic needs:
Being held,
Being fed,
Being clean,
Being warm ( not too warm - not too cold)
Peace and quiet.
I would go down the list when he is fussing. Pick him up and hold him, sing if you like, see how he reacts. If he still fusses, check his diaper, if that isn't soiled, try and feed him. If he isn't hungry he won't try and eat. Could be he was too cold or too warm. Try and burp him (even if it has been a while since he ate) Put on some nice classical music and sit in a rocking chair that works for some babies too.
I have 3 children. They were VERY different babies. Oldest ate every 1 1/2 hour (yes that often) and she took forever to eat. Baby #2 ate every 4 hours and took no time to eat. Baby #3 ate every 3 hours and was a little slower eater then #2 but faster then #1. I nursed all 3 so I can't really tell you how much they ate.
Last but not least, have you partner help you out as well.
NAP when the little guy naps.
If you still feel depressed talk to your doctor, it is not uncommon for new mom to get the baby-blues.
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A
male
reader, empty-1 +, writes (17 February 2010):
From a male perspective, I can tell you only what I have observed, but I think it may help.
Every new mother feels this way. Especially nowadays, with so much information and well meaning advice coming in from every angle.
It gets even more maddening and crazymaking when the baby is so hungry he works himself up into a frantic state and then can't eat because he's so frantic.
However, you and your new baby will work out something that works well for both of you. It takes the longest few months of your life for that to happen, but it will happen.
In the meantime, rest assured that you are being the very best mother that your baby could possibly have. Speak you your pediatrician regularly, but otherwise relax and enjoy the cuddle time. It disappears all too quickly!
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A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (17 February 2010):
As long as the baby is gaining weight then you have nothing to worry about. Watch the baby, NOT the clock. Every child is different and not sleeping and crying a lot is the usual at this age. Your baby will improve after 3 months then after that it will get a little better again. Non of my 3 slept through until over age 1. As for the crying, if your child is fed AND burped to remove painful wind, dry and comfortable, then the baby just wants to be loved and held. You cannot spoil a child with love. Just hold her and pat her or rock her until she calms down. Crying is normal so don't get stressed by it. Just put her in a sling on your chest where she can feel your warmth and hear your soothing heartbeat then walk around the house singing to your favourite music. My Mary J Blige CD worked wonders with every one of mine.
As for you getting depressed, do not ignore what the doctor warned you about postpartum blues. This is a very real condition so google it on the web and see if you fit any of the symptoms. Congrats.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (17 February 2010):
 I agree with eyeswideopen, find a doc, or nurse or child health nurse you like and listen to them, too much conflicting advise is not good for you or your baby. If your mum has never given you any reason to doubt her word in the past you could also try following her advise.
Try and relax, its hard I know, your baby is gaining weight so you must be doing something right, and one day you will look back on this time with wide eyed wonder that it all seemed so hard! You'll be okay, many of us were just the same as you with our first babies. You'll be fine!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2010): I agree with eyeswideopen. Listen to ONE source only and stick to that. You are being a good mother! You are only listening to too many people telling you different things, but at least now you know what everyone thinks and can make the decision you feel is best for you and your baby. Please try your best to ignore what the others say and ignore the ones who tell you you are doing things wrong! Thats such a horrible thing of them to say. A friend of mine had a baby 6 months ago and a midwife told her and her man that they weren't fit to be parents! They are doing a great job with their little girl, but that comment upset my friend so much she stopped producing breast milk and couldn't breast feed her child anymore. I think people aren't careful with what they say and you shouldn't listen to them!
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (17 February 2010):
 You have the the baby blues. Here's my advice, find a pediatrician you like and listen to him and only him. You are being a wonderful mother so stop doubting yourself. I was a nervous wreck with my first born, most mothers are. Everybody under the sun has their own ideas on feeding a baby. Get a doctor you trust and tune everybody else out.
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