A
female
age
41-50,
*xangiexx
writes:hi everyone ...long story cut short i hope. Been with my husband for 5 years been married 3....i had a feeling something was going on when he started being strange with me...saying nasty hurtfull things for no reason. One night in july i was woken by his mobile going off 6 messages were on it from a lady on a chat site it was all rude chat...when asked why he done it he said he was just having a laugh then he said he was lonely which is a compelet lie as he meets diffrent people all day im the one sat in doors all day as i cant drive an live in the sticks. He was very angry with me for along time sat away from me wouldnt even talk to me it was like he was making out it was me that had done it! he did that for a long time then came round abit....now he,s over nice which i dont mind but changes every now and then an is not nice again. im trying to get over this hurt but he,s not helping when i ring him an he,s cold with me. Im not a nasty person infact i loved him more than life it,s self. I now feel under pressure to give him sex which i dont want to give him till im ready....any good advice out there? i have 3 kids so have to think carefully about all this. I love him in a way,he wants us to give it another go so we are but this is so hard. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2008): My ex husband started being strange with me when we were married. His behaviour was odd and he became very secretive and cold. He was having an affair. I am not saying for one minute that that is what your husband is up to but watch carefully for any signs. i too was stuck at home all day with children in a village with no transport. He would do this awful fake smile to me as if everything was ok but I knew he was being odd. My husband was obviously unhappy with his lot and just about tolerated being with me when all he wanted to do was be out all the time with work cronies and other people who enjoyed drinking and having fun. This is ofcourse not possible when you have children. I would watch your husband very carefully as these chnanges in emotion can often signify disillusionment in one party and the struggling internally to cope with the fact that they are no longer feeling very happy but also feel guilt. Your husband wants to keep trying and give it a go so he obviously loves you. I would try again and put as much effort in as you can then you can say you always tried whatever the outcome is long term. Sometimes men also have this midlife crisis thing where they actively seek and want attention and usually sex from another woman because the wife is tired, not hanging on their every word etc. Above all put your utmost into trying again, always behave with dignity so he can find no fault with you. Men do become bored with stay at home wives and so when he comes home do be flattering and interested in his day, make sure you look nice and the house is clean, children clean and then he will find it hard to find fault.
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