A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am 25 yrs old guy and have had a bad patch of suffering from loneliness while i was in my final year of college. Then i met this girl online who seem to had similar issues. The difference was, that she was quite obsessive in her approach to meet her needs for loneliness. She pretended to have got obsessed with me and i too liked being given so much of an attention. I enjoyed my time with her and later, i realized that i was getting addicted to her company. Nothing else mattered for me at that time, not even my final year exams that were so important for me at that time. However, soon i realized that it was not worth continuing this longer, as i did not like the girl physically. But then, i wanted to know what was on this girl's mind. I shouted at her in anger when i came to know that she was bitching about some of the things i told her about my child-hood friend. And that was it. She changed in to this very indifferent girl pretending as if she never knew me, nor did the time we spent together matter for her a lot. It was shocking to realize this and i definately thought that the girl had some issues or someone can't get so intimate with other person without developing some genuine feelings for her. It made me aware about some of my own issues as well in regards to how scared i was of intentions of people around me and how easily i gave in to their demands to prevent them from doing any harm (imagined) to me. In fact, being assertive about my own needs has been quite an issue to me since i was young. It was as if, it was being selfish and a sin to put forward your needs to other people like my parents, brother etc., who are generally the ones to get their own needs satisfied out of me, rather than help me with my own needs.Now it is difficult for me to find some person who can share this sense of loneliness inside me. I wonder what should i do. Any advice would be helpful. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Kanda  +, writes (23 April 2007):
Ok, not to freak you out, but you sound exactly like me. I am 20 and I was abused as a child and I have recentally been going to counceling to deal with "standing up for myself" as I have always put everyone elses needs before my own, and I have usually attracted people into my life who would walk all over me, but I needed their attention. Once I came to college I became completely withdrawn. I let go of all my relationships from high school and my family. I also have no friends now because of how you descrived it "I cant find anyone who shares this sense of lonliness in me"- you hit it right on the ball. I have gone through life feeling somewhat of a victim, and in some ways allowing people to treat me that way, even if unconsciously, they are filling in a template that I have set up. People dont listen when I want to talk, and they usually ramble about themselves first so I just got used to not even going to anyone for help. Instead I write music, write in my journal, go running, read and have gotten obsessed with schoolwork. But its this feeling of being left out, and misunderstood, and vulnerable that keeps a very distinct barrier between me and everyone else. I have tried really hard in the past to make friends, but I have found them to either ignore me or discount me etc. Its like they sensed my need or desperateness. I think all I can reccomend is therapy- I know its slowly helping me understand why things have happened the way they have. Don't worry its not your fault. I would look into a history of emotional abuse too- because in a way its your family that sort of set that up for you. Are you the oldest child? I know I am slowly uncovering these things about myself- I wish you luck, things can change. Trust me.
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