A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have been friends with her for 27 years - I mean close close friends - to a point where she was even included in any/all vacations my husband and I took - except when his were business related. We used to joke that the three of us were a couple and that she was the second wife - kinda sick when you think about it isn't it?So, for Labor Day, she went to see our (my husbands and my) best friends - although she has consistently dissed them in the past - worst was - she ignored all my calls and texts and basically hid away from us all that weekend - you know - "I wasn't near my cell phone all weekend"....."Oh, I didn't think it was any big deal"....etc. - puleeze - she lives on her cell phone and texting.I finally voiced my hurt and disappointment at what she did - she called me one night - said she would call back - we were not home and before I could return the call the next morning I got a scathing email from her about how she has lost so many people in her life recently (or maybe she finally pushed them away?) and that I was just too self-centered to even notice...and that we didn't share things like we used to...blah blah blah - all of a sudden it was all about her.She brought up things from the past about my husband's and her arguments - of which there were many and she never missed a chance to try to get in the middle of us and badmouth and pick at him - all the while still going on vacations with us. What an idiot I am, huh?Had a big argument on the phone mid-Oct - and, yeah - I said some mean, but true things...not in the nicest way - in fact, the meanest way I could.So - haven't talked since then - sent her a nice note in her Christmas card trying to make it better - after all - 27 years is a long time and we have withstood many many things together.In response to my note - I got a scathing hand written letter - about how I should be disappointed about the way we have treated her, and our lack of compassion and integrity...etc.Her father passed away yesterday - I feel and want to send a card and once again put my hand out to her – but I do not want to even think about the next letter I will get from her.I really do wish we could work it out but I will never let her get even halfway as close to us as she was before…..How do I handle this?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2010): Send a card - sounds like she is good at carrying a grudge and being nasty about it. 2 is a couple - not 3! Move on!
A
male
reader, Honest Answer +, writes (3 January 2010):
 You owe her a sympathy card. You have know her the better part of your life. Let by gones be by gones. Let her know that you care. Don't use this as a final peace offering. Do this because she is/was a close friend, and she needs you now more than ever.
You seem like a great person. I would be willing to bet that you were going to send a card reguardless of what we say.
Good Luck!
Jeff
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