A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Something happened today which is totally going to ruin my last year at school!My best friend swept me away from everyone else to ask me advice about he and this girl. I'm very protective of him but have decided, despite feeling a little jealousy (nothing I haven't smothered before XD), that he should go for it with this girl.However he knew I had some issues with it and after a lot of persuading I admitted it's cus I've liked him in the past and have feelings of a sort for him. I was adamant that my feelings are very changeable and that he shouldn't waste his time on me, who is never sure how she feels about anything lol, and should just go for this other girl. But then he said that he can't get with the other girl now he knows this (he says he'd never have dreamt of being so lucky as to have me think of him like that :S:S:S)! This made me feel crap because I feel like by just existing I've ruined everything for him, whether I had told him that I have liked him or not.We've been best friends for about 3 years and there's always been this kind of assumption that we will get together. But because of what people will think and because my feelings have never been consistent i've always shrugged away from even going there with him.Now he keeps nagging me to just think about what I want, because he thinks everything would be perfect if we are together. On the contrary I am sure I can only hurt him from now on: I either keep saying "no I don't want to start this" or go for it then have my feelings change and hurt him that way. So even by admitting that small fact I've ruined everything.I know, whatever happens, I don't want to be with him because it will cause us all harm (that includes the other god knows how many of my friends that fancy him), but what should I say to him??I've explained much of this already but he will not listen to me and just keeps trying to convince me. What can I do??Any help would save me from further depression/insanity! Thanks for reading the mega rant too :)
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, thatgothgirl20  +, writes (22 October 2008):
 First of all, if you really care about him you wouldn't care about what your friends think. You need to be alittle bit more honest with yourself too.
A
male
reader, encryptionKING  +, writes (21 October 2008):
 well..
ofcourse you will have feelings for him, his your bestfriend,
just dont get messed up with diff kinds of love,
love for a friend an love for a lover,
of course you will love your best friend, an heck i`m sure most of us had sometime in our life thought we in love with our best friend,
so just be care full, dont mess up a good friendship!
just my 2 cents
cheers
king
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2008): A question I answered earlier on touched on the issue as to whether close friends of the opposite sex can remain friends without falling in Love...the conclusion was IT DEPENDS!!
your post indicates are clearly unsure as to your feelings you are suffering from ambivalence (two conflicting emotions at the same time)... Part of you wants to date your friend as you are close to him, he is safe reliable and in a strange sort of way you love him to bits oh and it is fated to go out with him... but another part of you, some small voice, is telling you that it will all go wrong, that it will be the end of a beautiful friendship and that he is a mate (not male or female) and besides what would others say.
You have to see whether he is reacting to your confession that you do actually fancy him, because remember he too will have feelings for you even if his are transient too.
Or whether he has genuinely adored you for years but like you was afraid to express them for fear of offending you.
To clear your head of this you need to do one of three things
1. tell him straight that you don't want to go out with him as he is your best friend and you love him to bits but not in that way
2. Tell him you will go out with him and see how you get on (It doesn't have to end in tears if you mutually respect each other)
3. Tell him you are not clear how you feel at present and that you want to continue as you are being friends but not 'officially' going with each other...
The choice is yours as it depends a lot on how close you actually are and only you know that, but In my view you should tread carefully as close friends are hard to come by
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