A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Recently a man I know split up with his wife as she had been cheating on him for 6 months. He found out about it in the summer and she told him that her and the man she was seeing had feelings for eachother but neither were prepared to leave their children. The other man was also married. So he had been jumping through hoops for her for 6 months and then found out that she had carried on seeing this man. So now they have separated. I've known this man for around 4 years and I fell in love with him soon after meeting him. I never even considered doing anything about it, as I knew he loved his wife dearly and I cared about him too much. He and his wife have been separated for just over a month now. He keeps asking me to go for dinner with him, and to the cinema and theater etc and has said that he would love to kiss me, along with other suggestive stuff. The problem is that I keep having doubts now. I know he would like to have a relationship with me, but I'm not sure if its genuine after what he's just gone through even though he told me he is fine with it now and wouldn't take her back. So my question is...should I go for it with him. A few months ago I was sure that I loved him and would definitely have had a relationship with him, but when I think about, I'm just not sure. This has happened to me in the past. I like someone, then when I find out they like me too, I go off the idea of a relationship. So i'm not sure whether I should just give it a go? I do love him...but sometimes I wonder if its in a sexual way or not. I also wonder, if I'm doubting it, do i really love him? I don't know what to do as he seems very keen and i don't want to hurt him so soon after his marriage break up. What should I do? I'd really appreciate some advice.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your answer! I'm definitely going to take your advice and give him time to recover from his break up properly and see if he feels the same. Hopefully he will understand where i'm coming from. Thanks again.
A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (7 February 2008):
 Hi,
firstly, you are right to be worried. He is on the rebound big time and it has only been a month since he split up with his ex.
This is not to say you guys cant hook up or are not right for each other. You could be the perfect match. But him sending you suggestive messages is not the way to start a relationship after he has split with his wife. I guess he is trying to prove that he is not a dud as a lover ( which must be going through his mind as his wife was unfaithful ).
You don't want to be the rebound girl, he will still be carrying a lot of emotional baggage from this relationship, so while I wouldnt say to totally avoid him I would still in your position let him know that you are not interested in being the girl who he had a brief fling with after he got divorced.
By all means meet up with him, but do it in the day in a cafe or whatever, if you love him as you say you do then giving your time to him is not a waste for you . You dont want to end up in the living room after a romantic night out and before you know it you are spending nights together and you will become immersed in his messy divorce . He needs time to heal and you need time to get to know him as a single man. Take it easy , and things might just work out.
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