A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I need some relationship, love advice. I am 32 and a few months ago met a lovely guy. We slept together few times really early on and now his saying he just wants to be friend's to get to know each other as his never just slept with girl like that before. However, I do like him and was hoping the friendship would develop, back to how it was but more if makes sense. His got a lot of female friends, but his very shy...you wouldn't think it, but when it comes to women, his never had a one night stand and has slept with 5 women. Anyway, back to why I need advice, so he says about being friend's to get to know each other...but... I actually think he just doesnt see me lilke that. I'm inclined to think he never has. And that he actually didn't mean to sleep with me and felt guilty so continued to afterwards. Do guys do this?! He has come out and met my friend's and met my friend's on a number of occasions and had a conversation with a friend's boyfriend about how his scared of getting trap and not sure he wants a relationship. He always texts me and calls and is quite couply with me. I went to a friend's birthday few weeks back, I invited him and he said couldn't come, yet he ended up coming about 1am (turned up drunk) as his party turned out to be crap. When he turned up I was in deep conversation with a good male friend... And when we got home he kept going on (in a I don't care way) about fact If he hasn't showed up I would have so gone with my friend (which is ridiculous, his been friend many years and just wouldn't happen like a brother) but he kept saying it then saying what does it matter what I do, we're not official so have no right anyway to say anything. I don't know why he brought it up in first place... Pointless! Anyway the thing is he makes comments that makes me think his not into me. For example his says we're very different as people and he tells me all his ex's are blonde skinny models. (very different from me, who's small and half asian and plump) He never goes to kiss me (even before we decided to be just friend's- which be says was my idea - I just said wanted to get to know him more not stop dating) he says that the age difference between us is a lot - his 29!!!!! Is 3 years a lot?! He said we're not very sexually compatible as he didnt make me cum (which he did twice out of 4 times we slept togther) but he thinks i was faking.. I wasn't! But still thanks for saying he feels this! I'm was going out with my girlf's one night and his like I'm sure you can pull (but he says it like mate would) and I'm like I don't want too, (i never bring it up he does) his like well bet it happens. Why bring stuff like that up! It's madness, is he doing it to push me on to someone else, because he doesn't care, or because he does and says it like reverse psychology... So I say no I don't want to have anyone. I'm confused. He was married at 23 and divorced within 6 months (married as parents are devout Jehovah's) he's not anymore. But I'm sure this must have had an affect on him. He told me his never been in love and puts up barriers so many. I know we are different, his calm, shy relaxed - i'm loud, intense and full on (so he says) which I am I know. We haven't spoken in a while now 2 weeks. I sent him a message Telling him how I feel about all of this and he admitted that he just wants to be friends and that he feels when we did sleep together it was wrong... Deep down I feel like he doesn't want me and never did, as said little things, way he looks at me ( he doesn't) never went to kiss me Or hold me- he acts very matey with me and treats me like friend, we even watched a sexy film together and then we sat on separate sofas and he called cab home. I just don't know what to do. I mean how can we just be friend's? We weren't to begin with and yes I like him as person and think be good friend's but I feel hurt I wasn't good enough for him
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divorce, drunk, his ex, one night stand, shy, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (5 August 2012):
 I think Cerberus nailed it.
I agree 100% there. You already KNOW what's going on, so TRUST your instincts.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2012): It sounds to me like you've actually judged this situation very well OP.
He is definitely not interested in you and you know it. All those little signs are very clear indications aren't they?
I mean when in the history of mankind has a guy just stopped having sex with a girl he's interested in just "to get to know her better", you can do both at the same time, even if you wanted to slow down a bit you wouldn't stop altogether.
"I'm inclined to think he never has. And that he actually didn't mean to sleep with me and felt guilty so continued to afterwards. Do guys do this?!"
Yes OP, girls do this too. Sometimes it's easy to convince yourself that while you may not really like someone that much,why not give it a try kind of thing.
"Deep down I feel like he doesn't want me and never did."
You're right OP he didn't and for whatever reason he got carried away and led you on.
"I mean how can we just be friend's?!"
You can't. OP you're interested in him romantically, you wanted him as a person to date. There is no point in even attempting to be friends with this guy, you owe him nothing he's been nothing but flaky and a bit full of shit about his reasons and now he's being cold towards you. Ditch him, you don't need friends like that do you?
You have enough good friends in your life you don't need another, especially not one you're interested in having more from. He had his chance and he blew it, spouting a load of lies about sexual incompatibility when really he's jut not into you at all.
Move on.
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (4 August 2012):
 I am going to give you the same advice I gave another woman. I can't tell what exactly he is saying. Is he saying that you slept together too soon and now he wants to get to know you better? That only seems reasonable. Or, is he saying that he ONLY wants to be friends with you? I think you need to find out which it is. I would say "I want to be in an exclusive relationship with you. What do you think about that?" Be ready for any response he may give.
As some have said on here, being friends with someone you've had sexual or romantic feelings for is hard, but many believe it's possible. I don't. I believe one person (usually the woman, as one of our aunts so wisely said) is always going to hope for more and want more. So, it puts that person in a lose-lose situation. Namely: YOU.
I am not sure this guys is for you anyway. You are 32 and 32 is too old to be playing these games. He's telling you you're not sexually compatible and you're faking because he apparently knows better than you. I don't get along too well with men who think they know more about me than I do. It's insulting, and it's insulting to you. If he treats you like a "friend" then you're in a "friends with benefits" relationship, and I'd get out as soon as possible.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (4 August 2012):
 Let's look at the most-important part of your submittal:"His got a lot of female friends, but his very shy...you wouldn't think it, but when it comes to women, his never had a one night stand and has slept with 5 women."What more do you need to "know" about this man in order to KNOW that you don't want to become - or remain - one of his "flock" of women that he has sex with ... IF AND WHEN HE WANTS IT... AND ON HIS TERMS??????You can do better...Good luck...
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