A
female
age
30-35,
*irl-needs-help
writes:Okay, i have a question.its a bit similar to the others i have posted, but i didnt get a decent response so i'll post a more recent 'update' of sorts.my boyfriend and i have been having sex for about a month now. as it turns out, i didnt have a hymen (whether i accidentally broke it using a tampax or by some other reason) but the first time was still painful.okay so, he's tried to get me to come but everything we seem to do is fruitless. he's tried using his fingers which gives me a sensation of wanting to pee really badly but also feels nice (something that ive read is a sure sign of orgasm) and there is a build up or pressure in my abdomen when he finds the right spot. but the problem is that i can never seem to get the release that's meant to follow the build up.he tried using his tongue; same result.and sex does nothing for me. we've tried several different positions; doggy style seemed to work best, though it bordered between pleasure and pain.and whenever we have sex, its him that finishes and i dont seem to get anything out of it. also, if he goes in too deep, as in right to his hilt, it absolutely kills. it really really hurts and i have to say careful or ouch or just some signal that it hurts.so my dilemma is that i cannot seem to come. my boyfriend and i have tried several different things and nothing seems to work...so, any advice?much obliged x
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (14 December 2010):
Trying to have an orgasm is often a sure fire way not to be able to have an orgasm. Rather than focusing on reaching the "goal" of orgasm, spend more time focused on being with eachother and being into eachother and excited about being with one another while you are having sex. Rather than think of it as a race you are running, trying to get to the finish line, think of it as more of an adventure that you are both going on together, discovering new places along the way. It might take you a while to discover that place where you find your orgasm, but its a good way to get you there. And if you don't who cares! The joy of adventuring sexually with someone you love is of deeper satisfaction....
Take your time to get to know each other, there is a whole world to explore.
Good luck!
A
female
reader, petina1 +, writes (14 December 2010):
 He sounds like a bull in a china shop. Trying too hard really. If you both had true feelings for each other you would take it a bit slower and work very gently on the foreplay. You need to be relaxed. Is the place where you are actually getting involved in this right for you both. Are there other people about, it the mood right, lots of things can work against you.
If your mindset isnt in the mood then nothing else will happen for you. i felt myself cringing at how you explained about your lovemaking. It sounds a bit too rushed and frantic.
You are both young and too eager. Love making is for people who are in love so how do you really feel about each other is it love or lust.
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