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anonymous
writes: My boyfriend and I have lived together for over a year and been together just a couple of months more. Most nights I want to make love (not just because I fancy him like mad but because he's not the most affectionate person and that's when I feel closest to him) and he's 'too tired' or 'not in the mood'. He won't let me 'try it on' anywhere other than the bedroom and doesn't like me being suggestive. Massage, sexy underwear, and cheeky texts don't always work. Neither does pretending I'm not interested. Neither does talking about the issue - we really have over and over. He likes the idea of me stripping, but who doesn't feel like a prat doing that - ok I have body issues although I try not to show them! He doesn't like kissing, generally. He says I always want him on top - well I do prefer it, it seems more intimate.He says he finds me attractive, is in love with me, etc. but I feel undesirable. I need affirmation from him, but how do I stop myself needing it, or what can I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2005): You know what? You need to talk to him about it. I know that it's not gonna be easy but you have to. And if tings don't change then you have to leave I think. Life is too short! I mean, I will give him the benefit of the doubt- maybe he's depressed or has some health issue that he dosnt feel comfortable to talk to you about. But at the end of the day it doesnt seem normal! Sex is a healthy part of a relationship. It is wdiely accepted that the person who withholds from sex during a relationsip is the person who controls the relationship. If he loves you then what is the problem. It seems weird to me. Talk to him and try and sort it out. If it doesnt get better than get out! There are lotsa people out there who love to be lying next to you in bed- and love you and make love with you! Don't settle for second best!
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