A
female
age
30-35,
*aylee0987
writes:I've been friends with Jeff for almost four years. . He was married for two years and one night while working he confused that they weren't getting along. I wouldn't so we were close friends, but friendly with each other if we ran into each other and things like that. We ended up getting partnered up at work and I realized how nice he was. He is funny, very sweet just an all around nice guy. Over the course of 6 months we started talking and spending time together. Nothing physical ever happened but we did become extremely close. Going out to dinner, movies and just hanging out talking for hours. He would come over after work and we would watch movies in my bed and just talk. I guess you could say we had an emotional affair. A few months ago he said that his wife asked for a divorce (this wasn't the first time she has said she wanted to divorce) instead of asking her to work things out he agreed they should.We have continued to hang out but now that he is no longer with his wife things have become more then just friends. Over the weekend his sister commented on some pictures on his Facebook. One was from our work christmas party, it was the two of us with our boss and she wrote "oh look Jeff and the home wrecker" then one of the two of us from last weekend at a fair "so disappointed you went form class to trash, Jeff". He deleted the comments as soon as he read them and he apologized to me that she wrote them. I feel terrible that his family thinks of me this way. I would never have an affair with a married man. We were friends, yes there was feelings there but we didn't act on them. His sister message me and wants to "talk" I have no idea why. What could she possible have to say to me. It's clear by her Facebook comments she isn't my biggest fan. should I go? Should I tell Jeff that she wants to meet with me? .
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (29 August 2014):
 Yep, you definitely had an affair with a married man, call it what you may. Watching movies while laying in your BED? Come on...sheesh. Of course his family considers you to be a home wrecker. You may have not actually baked the cake, my dear, but you definitely iced it and put the sprinkles on it. And Cindy is absolutely right, you should not deal with the sister, let Jeff man up and explain his actions to her and his family if he feels the need, or even can. Pay no attention to the sister, you need to keep your eyes peeled for that other high-riding bitch. If you catch my drift
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2014): One day when he is sharing a bed with another woman (watching movies and becoming close) you will think back to these times when you are wondering where he is. Mark my words this man will not change. He will do this to you one day too. What goes around comes around.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (28 August 2014):
 Pardon me, but you DID have an affair with a married man.
An emotional affair, if you will. So ? it's not all always about sex.
The place of a married man is clearly not in the bed of another woman,- even just for cuddling and watching movies together. You should not have admitted him there,- and he should not have seeked admission while he was still married.
Of course it takes two to tango, so I am not just blaming you. Your guy has his huge part of responsibility. The right thing to do when a marriage starts having problems, is to work with your spouse in the hope to fix them, (seeking marriage counseling etc. ), not, basically, to start dating a coworker . Or else he can decide that the distance between wife and he has become too much, and the damage is irrepairable, and file for divorce- THEN he can do the heck he wants with whomever he wants. Not before.
If you spent the last 6 months , while he still was married, hanging out and going on dates and talking for hours, etc., do you think that , at the end of the day, does it really make such a big difference , in ethical , psychological and also practical terms, if Jeff never got around to insert his piece X into your piece Y ?? As if it all depended upon those 6 inches of flesh, and not from a bet of loyalty, common history, shared goals, complicity, intimacy, closeness, etc.etc. which starts unravelling- and it unravels faster with the help of a third party from outside the couple.
No wonder if Jeff's wife filed for divorce, - she might have had other reasons, prior to your arrival on the scene, but be sure that she will have felt embarassment and humiliation having a husband - who was basically dating another woman while still living under her same roof.
So, while Jeff wrecked his own home and his sister should understand and see that, you gave him quite a helping hand too.
I understand where his sister is coming from and her line of reasoning.
Anyway, personally I doubt she has the right to get so involved in his brother's love life. Jeff is an adult, free to make his decisions and even his mistakes, (if she feels that's a mistake ), without being flogged in public through FB . This sister may be entirled to her opinions- not as much to broadcast them so widely and indelicately. Nor, of course, to use against you, OP, offensive and derogatory terms on a social network.
I feel, though, this is a matter that should be settled between brother and sister,- you'd better stay uninvolved and handle all this with utter care- I suppose you do not want to originate , or worsen, a rift between siblings.
Reason for which, probably you should also decline the sister's invitation to " talk ". It's easy to imagine that she wants to give you a piece of her mind, and, since she sounds like a rather feisty lady, I don't know if you could keep your aplomb or you would end up with answering her in kind... and it all would end in a messy drama.
I'd say, let Jeff deal with his sister- and let him also explain her , that he was no innocent victim snatched away from his hearth by the wily arts of an astute homewrecker. He had done part of the wrecking all by himself.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (28 August 2014):
 you wrote these words: "Nothing physical ever happened but we did become extremely close. Going out to dinner, movies and just hanging out talking for hours. He would come over after work and we would watch movies in my bed and just talk".
I take it his wife wasn't include in these cosy little moments, so yes, he was cheating on his wife and yes, you inserted yourself as a third person in their marriage, and yes, if I were his sister I would consider you had a hand in wrecking the marriage.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2014): Well she is kind of right to be honest. Allowing someone to have an emotional affair with you while they are married is the lowest of the low. Just because you didnt' have physical sex doesn't make it any better. No wonder the wife thought that the only option was divorce, how sorry I feel for her when someone else was taking all those intimate moments away from her and her husband for herself. It should have been movies with her on the sofa and the rest not with some friend. Don't you see? Though it's too late now. Bravo.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2014): You did act on your feelings. You were "dating" a married man, even if you did not sleep with him. This is time he should have been spending working on his marriage, not in another woman's bed watching movies, or taking her out to dinner.
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