A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:dear all... my marriage was half arrenged and half love. Thats means we met through our relatives and we fell in love. we dont know much about eachothers past. Whenever i talk about past she just refuses to talk about it. She says she wont be bothered whenever my past was. Though i have told her everything about me but she hasent. All she said was she has dark sides. She has done lots of sinfull things, she was far more wild then she should be. And tells me if she tells me everything for sure our marriage will end. She always leaves me wondering and worring. Does she has hurrendous past?? and should i consider and be preapeared for the worst?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2014): Here is the politically correct answer: She has no obligation to tell you anything that she does not want to tell. And there is a good chance you are better off not knowing whatever she is hiding. Your marriage will work better if you just let this go. Here is the other side of the story: The PC answer is what makes a happy ending for her, not you. You are not better off marrying someone with a deal breaking history and suffering in silence. This is already eating away at you right now. It won't get better with time but rather worse. Judging by her words, if or when the truth comes out it won't be pretty.The best way to deal with this situation is to avoid ever getting into it. She has the right to keep her past a secret. But you should have (respectfully) said you cannot be with someone whose moral values are too different from yours. There is nothing wrong with your feelings. This relationship is YOUR life, too. Now you have two options (shut up and suffer in silence or break up) and you are not going to end up happy with either one. Sorry my friend but there is no easy solution here.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (29 August 2014):
 Why do you NEED to know? You seem like you aren't sure you can really handle the truth, so in THIS case WHY seek it out?
HER past is HERS. IT was BEFORE she knew you, before YOU knew her. Before you two fell in love.
She is smart in not telling you, though she really should quit the whole "Oh I was SUCH a bad girl before routine" if she can't really own it. I can only guess why, she knows once she tell you, you will no longer see her as the woman you fell for, the woman you married. You BLAME her for not trusting you to ACCEPT her past?
I'd leave the sleeping dog lie. And I would RESPECT her if she doesn't WANT to share her past. SHE doesn't owe you her past history. If you chose to her her YOUR history that is fine, but she isn't OBLIGATED to share hers, if she doesn't WANT to.
I would however ASK her to get STD tests done for the sake of the BOTH of you.
Get over it. Either LOVE her for WHO she is with you, or don't.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2014): I have a similar issue. People know more about MY shameful past then I do theirs. The reason is that I should have taken a page out of their book and kept my mouth shut. Does it MATTER how many people each of you slept with? Nope. So long as she is STD free it's none of your business. It's more annoying (to me) when people bring up "funny" or sad stories about people I don't know and will never meet. Unless her finances are super out of wack (which you will inherit when you marry her), unless she has an STD, or unless she has a long string of violent or child-hurting crimes or something, you don't NEED to know. If she considers her past sinful, she's probably ashamed of herself and won't bring it up. Also, she probably revoked, repented, and replaced whatever it was to God. It could be simple: she may have had sex outside marriage, got pregnant and put the child up for adoption (heartbreaking). Or maybe she got busted for a public intox once or smoked weed a lot when she was in college. My guess is that if she has no record, she probably just feels dirty and ashamed. I think it shames her to bring it up and she feels you're nosy. The friends/boyfriends I shared my past with who refused to reciprocate? They told me they didn't CARE to hear about it. It didn't involve them, I shouldn't be telling them. Honestly, I would take a page out of her book. I have no idea what she thinks would cause you to cancel the marriage. Maybe you said something against bisexual women or people who've had abortions? Maybe you hate drunkards or you hate it when people do something she did so she's afraid to lose you. That's all I can think of. The point is, the past is the past and she wants it behind her. As long as it isn't going to affect YOU, it doesn't MATTER
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