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male
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anonymous
writes: I've been going out with a really great girl for almost a year. Everything's going really well and we love each other very much. But, I just have a couple of niggling doubts...The first thing was that she started to act a little weird around me one day that concerned me. I finally discovered that she 'kind of liked someone else'. I immediately took this as a sign to call it a day, though when confronted with breaking up she pleaded for us to stay together and said that she doesn't want anyone else but me.The second thing being that I accidentally stumbled on some texts on her phone that really worried me. There were several, to various guys calling them 'sexy', 'gorgeous', 'babe' etc. and being generally flirty. I confronted her about them and whilst she apologised she said that it doesn't mean anything and that she only loves me.She's really beautiful and so gets a lot of male attention which I sometimes struggle to deal with. She's never cheated on me and I do trust her. I don't want to become really possesive and jealous about her texting these guys but it does bother me and she knows this; though I don't want to smother her or drive her away completely.What should I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2006): i'd end it. i was dating someone once and definitely really loved him. but i got attention from other guys, and i really enjoyed that, too - i figured it was harmless. everyone told me it was normal to have crushes and that it didn't mean anything.
but they were wrong. i finally had the guts to end it with the guy, even though i really did love him. and the relationship i later ended up with was so much more than anything i could ever have imagined.
i didn't think it was possible for me to be completely oblivious to all the male attention that i'd always enjoyed so much, but being with my true love made all of that different. it is an amazing feeling to have found someone and know that you just don't need or want to look anymore.
part of it is timing and part of it is chemistry, and it's impossible to say which is the problem in your case. but you and your gf need to take a break so she can figure out why she still enjoys all the attention so much. because it's one thing to feel flattered and pretty and it's another thing to enjoy it enough to be flirting back.
A
female
reader, Wendyg  +, writes (28 May 2006):
 If your not worried that she will cheat and you trust her what thats the problem ? she probably likes the attention, who wouldnt. But remember shes with you, not them! If you really really dont like all this let her know and dont let it fester, you say shes knows your not compelely cool with it, let her know thats its bothering you this much and that you are scared of losing her by coming over all possesive, but at the same time your scared that shes gonna find someone else. Let her know exactly how you feel, make sure she understands your cool with it but at the same time you dont want to feel second best, or have to be worrying that shes gonna leave you. See if she cant try and calm it a little, she should understand and see where you are coming from, afterall if it were the other way around i suspect that she wouldnt be none to happy either!
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A
female
reader, Smiler +, writes (28 May 2006):
 Well Hi ThereFirstly I don't think your in the wrong here at all..... its the whole " kind of liked someone else " thing, if she is comitted to being with you she should only have eyes for you not other people... then this whole "texting" thing its one thing to have male friends thats completely fair enough but to be calling them sexy and gorgeous and babe thats the things she shopuld be calling you not other guys i don't think you are being possessive at all but if your in an exclusive relationship (where you agree to see only each other) not an open one (where your free to see other people) her priorities should lie with you not others thats the least you can expect. so if I were you I would explain to her whats what here tell her that its getting to you all this texting other guys and things ad could she maybe cut it down a little focus some of this attention on you after all she is ment to be your g/f after all..... its one thing to trust her but don't be treated like a fool you deserve much better put yourself firstI hope I have been able to help please let me know how you get on ok sweetieYou Take Care X
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