A
female
age
51-59,
*alleyjay
writes:I don't know what to do..my husband had a year long affair and a close connection with the other woman. I found out through his phone - lots of text messages and he confessed. He immediately stopped all contact with her and is extremely remorseful. I just don't know if I can accept the past..I look at him differently now, and I look at myself differently, like I wasn't good enough. It was ok for him to cheat for a year but now once caught he professes his love for me and wants to do everything to save our marriage. We did have a great marriage for quite a while and I don't know what happened, I guess we stopped taking time for each other..we would fight about it sometimes..saying we need to work on our "roomate" relationship and be more like husband and wife. I admit I did not show as much affection as when we were first together..but I didn't deserve this. I am struggling to do what's right...what I can live with. I noticed a post answered by "Depaiva" and when I read her answer to another post on a similar topic I was moved by her advice. I am just searching for the right answer....stay or go.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, AFnATL  +, writes (26 April 2008):
Two words... Marriage Counseling. You will not get the right answer to something like this on a message board. Its just too complicated and there's not enough information or two way communication. Your husband cheated for a reason. That reason won't go away just because you found out and he ended his relationship. You mention a few of the symptoms in your post. "no communication, no time with each other, more roomate than husband and wife, less affection, etc". At the end of the day, those are all symptoms of other problems. If you don't find out what those other problems are, together in counseling, then you will never be able to work on the root problem(s). My wife and I have had similar issues in the past. They ended up being related to a lack of open communication about our wants/needs and lack of spending quality time together AWAY from the kids and work. Relationships require a lot of time and work. BTW, if you are a Christian, go for Christian counseling, as all counselors start with some bias in these situations.
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