A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am having some problems with my relationship, and I am hoping someone could help me!My boyfriend and I are 20 and have been dating for almost two years. He has been in Paris for a number of weeks on vacation, and recently we got into an argument about his partying. He had promised he would contact me when he got back from clubbing, and never did. He apologized and we spoke on the phone, but things didn't go well and I told him if he was going to continue this drinking and partying habits (as we both were non drinkers or partyers before he left) that I didn't know if this would work out. We agreed to wait to discuss our future until in person. However, I asked if he would mind trying to let me know when he got back at night. He said he felt conflicted about us and hasn't communicated with me for nearly 5 days now. My question is, what's going on here? Do I contact him or wait for him to contact me? Has he just lost all interest? Another woman? What should I do? :/
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI still haven't heard from him, despite his activity on social media. I guess I should give it up and accept his immature ignoring of me as a sign that this is over. Thank you all for your responses!
A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (25 July 2014):
 Just saw your update. Just take that to mean this relationship is over and move on. He clearly can't be bothered. Mark my words, though, he WILL try to come back and work things out when he comes home. However, do not let him back in. Remember how dismissive of your feelings he was to turn off his phone and ignore you. Remember that he choose partying in another country over being respectful towards you and caring about your feelings. Do not let him back in. Consider this relationship over as of right now (that's what he's showing you he wants through his actions), and move on. So when he comes begging at your door when he arrives home and reality sets back in, you can already be over his ass and tell him to take a hike. Then the tables will be turned, huh?
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (25 July 2014):
It sounds to me that this trip has gotten him into party mode. He's in Paris, experiencing something brand new, and exciting. He's going out at night and having the time of his life. And while he's there, it's like a temporary vacation from reality. It seems that he's kind of gotten this lifestyle into his bloodstream and now, he doesn't want the burden of a relationship.
He most likely will come back from this trip and reality will set back in. He's caught up in the excitement of the moment and isn't thinking about consequences. When he comes back home, he will most likely want to work things out. That would be your call if you wanted to fix things.
However, I do think it somewhat unreasonable to expect him to call you every night he goes out. This is a since in a life time opportunity for him, after all. So perhaps you should have given him a bit more leeway and freedom to experience this amazing opportunity.
Either way, though, I do think he's caught up in the moment and will regret his actions later. He hasn't called because he just wants to go out and do as he pleases. Doesn't mean there's another woman involved. Just means he wants to live it up and not have to answer to anyone. When he comes back, you get to decide, is this the type of behavior you are willing to tolerate?
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your advice. I decided to text him and attempt to get a response. He ignored the message and turned his phone off. He seems to not care about working on the relationship, but I don't understand why he can't even respond to a single message in the last 4 days.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (25 July 2014):
 His silence means that he would not give up his drinking and partying habits, and would not bother to report when he gets back home. It's not necessary that he's interested in other. He finds it hard to keep both you and his lifestyle. Sadly he's not too keen on working on the relationship. So it is up to you if you still want to see him. When you say you didn't know if this would work out, it's almost the same thing as it won't work out but you were just afraid of an absolute ultimatum. Your request was reasonable but he's more concerned about having fun than your feelings. You were being overly polite and accommodating when saying "do you mind trying to let me know" which he doesn't deserve. You try to hint that you would not tolerate this, then when that didn't work you pleaded him. That didn't work either. You need to show him the door and never let him in again.
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